Conflict Resolution In Marriage

 

One of the best feelings in the world is falling in love. It can be exhilarating, overwhelming, and even euphoric. But, when the romantic bliss begins to wane (which is inevitable), conflicts arising from different issues sets in.

Conflict is an inevitable part of any marriage. However, how couples handle these occasional conflicts is crucial in maintaining a healthy and happy relationship, or driving a wedge in their relationship.

It is important to note that conflict in marriage doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. The truth is, learning how to handle conflicts can bring you closer. Successful marriage conflict resolution isn't avoiding fights;  it's understanding, communicating, and finding common ground for your marriage to thrive on. 

 Some Common Causes of Marital Conflicts 

1. Communication breakdown

Healthy communication is key to any successful relationship. It is important to note that effective communication involves speaking and listening. Active listening allows both partners to understand each other's perspective and work towards finding common ground.

2. Unmet or unreasonable expectations

Expectations are natural in marriages. However, when these expectations are unmet or unreasonable, they can result to conflicts.

In most cases, these expectations are unspoken with one partner assuming the other partner should intuitively know what they need. It is a big mistake to assume your partner to read your mind.

3. Time allocation to personal pursuit and marriage.

Marriage do not add extra time to the 24 hrs you had when you were single. But, marriage adds a latest addition to your life-your spouse! So, how you allocate your time to yourself, your career, friends, hobbies, and family before marriage should have a reschedule to include your new addition(spouse), and children as they arrive. Just know it that marriage comes with its KRAs-Key Responsibility Areas.

4. Lack of sexual intimacy or compatibility 

If you experience stronger sexual urge, as opposed to your less inclined spouse, can lead to conflict. 

Lack of honest sexual communication, intimacy inhibitions, work stress and household responsibilities are some serious issues that should be addressed in marriages . 

5. Challenges in managing marriage finances. 

Inability to manage marriage finances can put a wedge in your relationship. 

Temperament difference with respect to one partner being a big spender or another being a frugal, a sense of resentment of a working spouse towards the non working, a major shift in priorities and preferences can lead to marital conflict. 

Not making a full disclosure to your spouse about your financial situation, or a child support situation from your previous marriage are other culprits that can derail your marriage. 

6. Powerplay imbalance in personalities. 

Both spouses are seen as equal counterparts in a marriage. But, most times this concept is seen as utopian. 

In any relationship where one partner is domineering and the other submissive partner, subsequently leads to a resentful build-up, and unhealthy powerplay that will consequently put a strain in the relationship

Some Helpful Bible Principles for Conflict Resolution in Marriage

As imperfect humans that we are, there is hardly any issues, or challenging situations we will find ourselves in that the Bible has no wise counsel to help us navigate through the situation, and conflict in marriages is not an exception.

The Bible offers valuable insights on handling conflicts. There are a number of beneficial conflict resolution principles and practices that couples can adopt in other to engage in marital conflict more constructively.

Scripture is full of wise counsels that relate to interpersonal relationship that can help you and your spouse to apply the Word of God to work in your relationship and marital conflict resolution. We will be looking at some of them.

Commit to One Another

Ephesians 5:28-29 :"He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church."

Husbands are commanded to selflessly love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. In a perfect world this commandment will rarely be broken. But, in this fallen world we live in, the natural tendencies are to focus on ourselves and attempt to impose our will on others. These often leads to communication breakdown, and wounded relationships.

 Be an Active Listener

James 1:19 : My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry".

Take turns listening and speaking without interrupting or getting defensive so both parties feel heard and understood.

Use "I" statements

During your conversation with your spouse, using "I" statements can help express how the conflict affects you personally. This approach avoids blaming or accusing your partner but rather focuses on how their actions has impacted you. For instance, saying "I feel hurt when you do A," rather than "You always do A," can be more effective in resolving conflicts. 

 Find Common Ground

Corinthians 9:22: "When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some." 

One powerful tool in resolving conflicts is finding common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. Seek for areas of agreement and work towards finding a solution that is beneficial to both parties. This approach will foster a sense of teamwork rather than opposition. 

 Manage Emotions

Proverbs 16:32: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city". 

Ephesians 4:26-32: "But don't let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin! Don't let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day".

Learn to manage your emotions and put conflict in perspective. 

 Avoid Judgemental Language

Matthew 7:1-5: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you". 

The words you use at the heat of the disagreement matter and will be remembered.

 Allow Moments for Self Reflection 

2 Corinthians 13:5; Lamentations 3:40

God calls people to examine themselves. 

Romans 12:3

Paul encourages readers to have a modest view of themselves, and to be aware of when they hold themselves in too high a regard.

Remember no one is perfect. So, sometimes you may be the one at fault, allow yourself to reflect on that.

 Compromise

Romans 12:18: "If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

If you understand that both parties feelings and dreams need to be honored, then perfection shouldn't be the goal. Let go of your ego and seek peace. 

 Curb Your Temper

Proverbs 14:29  "Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly":

Anger expose us to thinking, speaking, and acting in quite a foolish manner. When you become conscious of your anger, take some intentional steps to slow down and stay engaged with your partner in a manner that promotes conflict resolution.

 Leave Revenge to God

Romans 12:19 "Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

When it comes to conflict resolution in marriage, however, God’s people are encouraged to let go of the impulse for revenge and to turn the conflict over to God.

Allow God to work on your spouse’s heart and allow Him to fight on your behalf. Often it is our woundedness that is driving our conflict with each other. God works at the level of the heart and only He can bring about the conflict resolution and healing that many of us (and our spouses) really need.

 Forgive Each Other

Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with one another and forgive one another, if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you". 

Forgiveness is essential in resolving conflicts in marriage. When you make allowance for human imperfections you are laying the foundation for Conflict Resolution and intimacy your relationship needs in order to thrive.

 Focus on the Positive

1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

Focusing on the positive makes a big difference in relationships. Focus on the positive aspects of your marriage, and the positive traits of your spouse and communicate them to each other in an encouraging manner.

 The Power of Apologies

Luke 17:3-4

"So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

A sincere apology is a powerful tool in resolving conflict. It acknowledges any wrongdoings and expresses remorse for any hurt caused.

Exercise Patience

Ephesians 4:2

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love".

Patience is vital in resolving conflicts in marriages. Conflict resolution takes time and requires patience from both parties. Seeking for a quick fix may not lead to long term healing within the relationship. It is important to note that conflict resolution is a process not an event.

 Seek a Marriage Counselor

Where the conflict proves too challenging to resolve on your own, seeking the help of a marriage counselor may provide the needed guidance and support. 

Seeking help from a counselor outside your marriage does not indicate weakness, but shows your willingness to make your marriage work.

How To Keep The Spark Of Sexual Intimacy Alive In Your Marriage

 

Sexual intimacy and enjoying a healthy sex life are important parts of marriage. God designed sex and gifted it to us to be enjoyed within a marriage relationship.

Many marriages see a decline in sexual passion and satisfaction over time. Sexual excitement, passion, pleasure, and satisfaction do not have to dwindle with time. Sexual passion if properly nurtured, can last for decades in the life of married couples. 

The joy of sexual union between husband and wife is part of being married, and part of the role of the hussband and wife involves sexual intimacy.

 The benefits of sexual intimacy in marriage:

Sexual intimacy help couples to be physically and emotionally healthy. Studies have shown that married people enjoy better health if the relationship between the couple is healthy and satisfying.

Sexual intimacy help couples to manage life stressors more effectively and become supportive of each other in the process.

If you are struggling to agree or get along in other areas, sexual intimacy can help your marriage.

During periods of strain in a relationship or tumultuous times, sexual intimacy helps to keep the marriage together for some couples.

Sexual intimacy promotes healthy self-esteem, and will help you in other areas of your life.

When you have a healthy intimate relationship with your partner, your career, your parenting abilities, and your friendship will be better.

 God's Design for sexual intimacy

1Corinthians 7:1-6

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

The Scripture encourages us to:

✓ Maintain a balanced and fulfilling

sex life (Vs. 2) . The husband and

wife decide on the frequency and

rhythm with which they enjoy

sexual intimacy. Sexual life must

be fulfilling, rewarding, and

satisfying to both.

✓ Sex must be enjoyed with

mutuality, each seeking to satisfy

the other (Vs. 3) . The husband

seeks to satisfy his wife, and wife

seeks to satisfy her husband. For

example,in sexual intimacy, the

husband is not just looking for

personal release and

gratification. He needs to engage

with his wife with the intent of

satisfying her,ensuring she enjoys

pleasure as well.

✓ Sex is an opportunity for the

husband and wife to enjoy each

other’s bodies and must not be

used to “hold something back”

(Vs. 4) . Do not use your body as a

weapon against your spouse by

withholding sex.

✓ The husband and wife can agree to

abstain from sex for a short period

of time for prayer and fasting(Vs.5) .

✓ The devil uses the areas of

sexuality as an area of attack, and

hence we need to be onguard in

this area. Enjoying a fulfilling sex

life is one important way to keep

the husband and wife secure in this

area (Vs.5) .

Keeping the Spark of Sexual Intimacy Alive in Your Marriage

Sexuality in Marriage can  change over time, but don't have to get boring. 

There are ways to prioritize marriage sexuality and keep it exciting.

Here are 10 tips to help you keep the spark of sexual intimacy alive in your marriage:

1. Set the mood in advance.

Start the foreplay in the morning if you want to have good sex at night. Send signals during the day,like hugs,texts, phone calls,or other flirtatious gestures to build excitements.

2. Hold hands and show affection. 

Studies shows that holding hands,hugging, and touching causes a calming sensation. Something as simple as long embrace,kiss,hand or foot massage can help you connect and build intimacy and signal to your partner that you are in the mood.

3. Communication. 

In marriage a healthy, and active sex life is anchored in communication. Share your innermost thoughts and feelings regularly. This might include talking about a sexual experience that you enjoy, or other things you might want to explore. True intimacy through communication can make marriage sexually great. 

4. Separate sexual intimacy from other issues. 

Sexual arousal loose excitement when we are distracted or streesed. So, avoid talking about relationship problems in the bedroom. 

5. Vary the kind of sex you have. 

Change your sex routine and try new things as sexual needs arise. Have gentle, tender, intimate and highly erotica sex. Experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other. 

6. Be emotionally vulnerable during sex. 

Share your fantasies, desires, and innermost wishes with your partner.

7. Make out time to spend with your partner. 

Enjoy courting and practice flirting with your partner as a way to ignite  sexual desire. Engage in a variety of activities that bring you both pleasure. 

8. Build up tension during romantic dates. 

Our brains tend to experience more pleasure when anticipated reward is delayed before we receive it. Take your time during foreplay, share fantasies and make sex more romantic. 

9. Foster emotional intimacy. 

A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy, closeness and connection that allows you to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment and rejection. Focus on meeting your partner's needs and share your own needs in a loving and respectful way. 

10. Be intentional. 

Being intentional in this case means, consistently make time for sexual intimacy.

The Power of Hospitality

 The power of Hospitality

Genesis 18:1-12

18 The Lord appeared to Abraham near the great trees of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance to his tent in the heat of the day. 2 Abraham looked up and saw three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he hurried from the entrance of his tent to meet them and bowed low to the ground.

3 He said, “If I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, do not pass your servant by. 4 Let a little water be brought, and then you may all wash your feet and rest under this tree. 5 Let me get you something to eat, so you can be refreshed and then go on your way—now that you have come to your servant.”

“Very well,” they answered, “do as you say.”

6 So Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah. “Quick,” he said, “get three seahs of the finest flour and knead it and bake some bread.”

7 Then he ran to the herd and selected a choice, tender calf and gave it to a servant, who hurried to prepare it. 8 He then brought some curds and milk and the calf that had been prepared, and set these before them. While they ate, he stood near them under a tree.

9 “Where is your wife Sarah?” they asked him.

“There, in the tent,” he said.

10 Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

Abraham (aka Abram) was 75 years old when God called and promised to make him a father of nations (Genesis 12:1–4). He was 86 when Ishmael, who was not the promised child, was born (Genesis 16:16) and 100 when Isaac, the promised child (Genesis 17:19, 21), was born (Genesis 21:5).   This meant that Abraham had to wait for 25years before the promised child, Isaac, was born, even after his mother Sarah was past the age of childbearing(Genesis 18:11). But, the approval of the promised child was established when Abraham displayed magnanimity in hospitality to strangers. How hospitable are you?

Shalom!

 

The Power of Charitable Prayer

 

The Power of Charitable Prayer

Job 42:10

Job 42:10 The LORD restored the fortunes of Job when he prayed for his friends, and the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.

We are all familiar with the story of Job in the bible; a man who lost everything through the attack of the devil over his faithfulness to the Lord. Yet he remained firm to his trust in the Lord.

But, the striking thing in the verse above is his sincere concern for the plights of others even in his adversity. His charitable prayer for his friends activated his restoration from God, even twice as much as he had before.

When you pray, do you remember others in your prayers? Or is it always all about you, you, and you alone? Look around you, there may be people around you who need help you may not be capable of rendering at the moment, but your sincere prayer of faith for them may rend heavens for your sake.

Shalom!

 

Laying The Axe To Root Part 2

 

Laying The Axe To The Root Part 2

In the first part of this post we read about king Joash and the advice of Elisha to him on how to root out the enemies of Israel (2 Kings 13:17-19). In this concluding part of the post, we shall be looking at six important strategies to learn from the advice that will help us deal with the root causes of negative behaviors in our lives.

Win first in the secret chamber. What happened between Elisha and King Joash in the secret chamber determined the outcome of the battle with Syria.   It is what happens in the “secret chamber” with the Lord that determines the effectiveness of your spiritual life.

Use the Sword of the Spirit.  Elisha told King Joash, “Take up the bow and arrows.”  The Apostle Paul said, “Take the sword of the Spirit.”  It is the Sword of the Spirit–which is God’s Word–that makes you truly Christian.

Put your hands on the weapon.  Elisha told the king to put his hands upon the bow, then Elisha laid his hands upon the king’s hands.  The biblical strategy is your hand upon the weapon of God’s Word and His hand will be on yours.

Open the window.  Israel’s foe was to the east, so Elisha told the king to open the window eastward.  God wants you to open up the “windows” of every area of your life to enable you to confront the failures, problems, and bondages caused by the enemy.  Open the windows towards the enemy and prepare to attack every issue with the Word of God!

Shoot.  Elisha told the king, “Shoot,” and the king shot.  The open window towards the enemy is not enough.  The weapon in your hand is not sufficient. Even God’s hand upon your hand will not win the battle.  You must follow the command of the Lord of Hosts to “Shoot!”   As you speak the prophetic, powerful, and apply the specific Word of God to your life, you will execute preemptive strikes against the work of the enemy in your live. And God’s Word does not return void.  It accomplishes its supernatural purposes (Isaiah 55:11).

Persevere to the root of the issue.  Elisha told the king to take the arrows and hit them on the ground as a symbol of his victory over Syria.  The king did this, but only struck the ground three times and then stopped.  Elisha told him that because he limited God by hitting the ground only three times, his military victory would be limited. Elisha said the Lord wanted the enemy to be totally consumed.  By striking the ground only three times, the king settled for partial victory.

The Lord’s objective for you is total victory in every area of life.  You must attack the root causes of problems and battle spiritually until you have achieved 100% victory.

It is vital that you persevere to discover the root cause of every problem. For example, the root cause is not drug addiction; it is what is fueling the drug addiction.  The root cause is not immorality; it is the lust resulting in the immoral behavior.

The Bible commands us to diligently seek and destroy the roots of sinful behavior:

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. (Hebrews 12:15)

If the root causes of problems are not dealt with, then problems will only intensify.  When Israel invaded the Promised Land, God told them not to allow any of the enemy to remain.  But the Bible records that Joshua spared giants in three cities: Gaza, Ashdod, and Gath (Joshua 11:21‑22).  Later, the Bible relates that Samson got in trouble in Gaza (Joshua 16); the ark of God’s glory was lost in Ashdod (1 Samuel 4-5); and Goliath paralyzed the troops of Israel in Gath (1 Samuel 17).  None of these tragedies would have occurred, had not the giants been left in the land.  Israel left a root, and it bore fruit.  Giants beget giants in both the natural and spiritual worlds.  Eliminate the spiritual giants of sin and they will no longer reproduce.

Shalom! 

 Laying The Axe To Root Part 1

 

Laying The Axe To The Root Part 1

 

Laying The Axe To The Root 

Matthew 3:10–12

10 And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

The Bible speaks of a spiritual root that bears bitterness (Deuteronomy 19:18).  Jeremiah was told to “root out” sin (Jeremiah 1:10), and the prophet Malachi shows God dealing with the root of transgressions in the lives of His people (Malachi 4:1).

The Bible says, “And they went out and preached everywhere, the Lord working with them and confirming the Word through the accompanying signs” (Mark 16:20). Having read this Scripture, we sometimes hastily conclude that God will work with us, regardless of how we are. Though it is true that God desires to work with us, there may be certain things in our lives that prevent God from working with us. If there are things in our lives that (tie God’s hands and) prevent Him from working with us, then those areas must be dealt with.

Self, jealousy, pride, and lust, alcoholism, drug addictions, and immorality and many more are some of the negatives that could hinder God from working with us. When we allow the Lord to lay the axe to the root and do a cleansing work in these areas of our lives, we will be better people, not only for God but also for each other.

An important aspect of victorious Christian living is laying the axe to the root of negative behaviors or situations. Laying the axe to the root is aptly illustrated in the story of a man named Joash, an Old Testament king, who was facing a formidable enemy and came seeking advice from the Prophet Elisha.

Elisha made a powerful prophetic declaration and demonstration to Joash.  He told him to take a bow and arrows in his hand.  The king obliged, and Elisha placed his hands over those of the king.  He told Joash to open the window towards the enemy nation of Syria.  Then he commanded: “‘Shoot”; and he shot. And he said, “The arrow of the Lord’s deliverance and the arrow of deliverance from Syria; for you must strike the Syrians at Aphek till you have destroyed them” (2 Kings 13:17, NKJV).

Next, Elisha commanded the king to take the arrows and strike them on the ground.  Joash complied, hitting the ground three times and then stopping.  Elisha told him, you should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed it!” (2 Kings 13:19, NKJV).   What Elisha was declaring prophetically was that the king should have persevered until the enemy was totally defeated.  If you do not deal with the root causes of issues, then like an unquenched fire they will flare up again.  Destroy the root and you will kill the fruit.

From this encounter, we learn six important strategies for dealing with root causes of sinful behaviors.

To be continued……. See part 2

Shalom!  

Laying The Axe To The Root Part 2

The Power of Persistent Midnights Prayers

 

The Power of Persistent Midnights Prayers

Luke 11:5-8

And He said to them, “which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; and he will answer from within and say, ‘do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you’?

I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.

Jesus is using a parable here to show us one of the most powerful spiritual secrets in the entire Bible.

Remember, He was speaking about prayer here. He’d just taught His disciples what is popularly known as, “The Lord’s Prayer.” Then He quickly followed up with this parable.

What He is saying, in plain English is this:

If you learn to ask for things (pray) at the midnight hour, and persist in this, you will receive answers from God as many times as you want!

This is the time that you can open the back door to heaven… using this golden key. It is the time power changes hands. It is the time to restore lost glory. It is the time to return evil arrows back to senders. It is the time to break chains, and set captives free. It is the time for victorious prayer. And you can do it every single night.

Shalom!

Command Your Morning

Command Your Morning

   Job 38:12-13

Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place, So that [light] may get hold of the corners of the earth and shake the wickedness [of night] out of it?   

Throughout the scriptures, we see that the morning hours are a powerful time to connect with the Lord. Jesus Himself would go and spend time with the Father in the wee hours of the morning. When we start our mornings well, the rest of the day goes well.

“Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35).

In Psalm 5:3, we see that the Psalmist found value in talking to God in the morning and making his requests known to the Lord.

A lot of evil and afflictions takes place at night, so we need to command the morning to reverse every arrow of wickedness directed at us while we sleep.

For, behold, the wicked bend the bow,

They make ready their arrow upon the string

To shoot in darkness at the upright in heart (Psalm 11:2).

For the dark places of the land are full of the habitations of violence (Psalm 74:20).

  In Matthew 13:24-30, Jesus speaks a parable of the wheat and the tares. The Scripture states, "Another parable put He forth unto them, saying, The Kingdom of Heaven is likened unto a Man which sowed good seed in the field. But while men slept, His enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way.

A question was asked in Job 38:12 It says, “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place?” What does that question say personally to you? Have you commanded that situation to make it know how to align in harmony with your destiny? Have you commanded that business to take on a new life and begin to blossom again? Have you commanded that sickness to go and never to come back to trouble you? “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, And caused the dawn to know its place”?

There are things that should not happen to us, and we can command the day not to allow those things to happen. Like God, we can, with our words, create what we want to see in the day, week, month and years ahead. You have a choice to till your ground and sow in it the crops of your choice. If you fail to do so, your ground will be overtaken by weeds. Open your mouth and command the things you want to see today.

Commanding your morning with scripture is a simple, yet very powerful spiritual technique that will allow you to walk in greater authority over your day.

It helps to set the tone for the day and activates God’s Word in your life.

Commanding your morning isn’t just about praying specific prayers. It’s actually speaking and prophesying over your day.

Some people may call this their daily confessions, declarations, or affirmations. Either way, they are using Bible verses to command their morning.

Let’s look at some scriptures about the power of our words to command our morning.

Job 22:28 says:

“You will also declare a thing,

And it will be established for you;

So light will shine on your ways.”

Proverbs 18:21 says:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

And those who love it will eat its fruit.”

It is important to state here that we must be in right standing with God then, we can command our morning by declaring a thing and it will be established.

And yes, all that we are declaring must be in line with God’s will and truth for our lives

Shalom!

 

When You Stand Praying...

 

When You Stand Praying

 Mark 11:22-26

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” 26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

This is one of the most popular portions of the scripture most short cut Christians love to quote, particularly vs 24. But, they forget to realize that the key to unlocking this promise of God resides in vs 25.

Thanks to pride or shame or apathy, we don't try to forgive, ask for forgiveness, and restore those relationships. God sacrificed His Son so that He can forgive us. While expecting God to forgive our heinous sins, we might not take five minutes to reconcile with someone no more a sinner than we are.

Talking about forgiveness can be one of the most difficult conversations we as Christians can have, because we want to forgive on our own terms. We want to forgive in convenience or when it suits our own needs.

Forgiveness releases the power, of the love, of Jesus Christ into our hearts, and lives. We grow, from being spiritual midgets, to spiritual giants, when we genuinely forgive.

One of the most quoted sentences about forgiveness is “I can forgive but I can’t forget”.

God’s standard is summed up in Psalm 103:12. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgression from us. 

Shalom!

 

Almsgiving

ALMSGIVING

The theme of giving charitably to those in need is seen throughout scripture and shows a connectedness that we all have to one another and to God.

In the Old Testament, the notion of alms is understood primarily through the context of justice, and charity was an integral part of Jewish custom long before the time of Christ. In fact, the Hebrew word for almsgiving, "tzedakah," means righteousness. It is believed that giving to the poor helps reestablish the right order and encourages justice.

Hebrew law ensured that the gleanings from the harvest should be left for the poor in the field and vineyard (Leviticus 19:9-10). In Proverbs, we are told that “whoever is kind to the needy honors God” (14:31); however, refusing to give alms to the poor brings just retribution (21:13).

Tobit tells us that "it is better to give alms than to store up gold, for almsgiving saves from death and purges all sin. Those who give alms will enjoy a full life" (Tobit 12:9).

Throughout the Old Testament, scripture has a lot to say about the righteousness of almsgiving, including the following:

“When someone is reduced to poverty, welcome them into your home” (Leviticus 25:35)

“Do not close your hand to someone in need” (Deuteronomy 15:7)

“A man who is righteous will be remembered forever” (Psalm 112:5-9)

“If you satisfy the afflicted, your light shall rise in the darkness” (Isaiah 58:10)

The importance of almsgiving is seen repeatedly throughout the New Testament. Some examples include: “Give to those who ask, and do not turn your back on anyone who wants to borrow” (Matthew 5:42) “Sell all that you have and distribute it to the poor, and you will have a treasure in heaven” (Luke 18:22)

 Luke 11:41

But give that which is within charity, and then all things are clean for you.

Luke 12:33

“Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves money belts which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near nor moth destroys.

Luke 14;13

But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,

Shalom!

Because You Have Prayed...

 

“Because You Have Prayed…..”

Isaiah 37:21

“Then Isaiah son of Amoz sent a message to Hezekiah: “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: Because you have prayed to me concerning Sennacherib king of Assyria,”

This phrase: "Because you have prayed..." in the above scripture verse jumped at me when I read it. The context is that Hezekiah, King of Israel, was boxed into a tight corner. Have you ever been tight? I guess you have.

The King of Assyria was hot on the heels of Hezekiah and humanly speaking, things looked really hopeless. Hezekiah's response was simply to spread the Assyrian letter of doom before the Lord and pray.

And God responded.

"Because you have prayed," He said, "I have spoken this word against the King of Assyria."

Who knows what would have happened if Hezekiah hadn't prayed. We don't know and can't read into the text, but what we DO know is that because Hezekiah prayed, God acted. He spoke against the King's enemy... directly because of Hezekiah's prayer.

I do not know what mountain you are being confronted with in life presently that has made things seem hopeless, but I do know what God promised in Psalms 50:15: “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.”

Hannah in her childless situation in polygamous marriage cried to God and the Lord remembered her (1Samuel 1:1-2, 6, 9-11, 19-20).

In the heat of the battle, Joshua did a new thing by commanding the Sun and Moon to stand still. God answered Joshua’s prayer and the Sun stood still in heaven and didn’t go down for a whole day (Joshua 10:11-14).

Sorrow followed Jabez everywhere because of his name until he prayed to God for a change,and God granted his request (1Chron 4:9-10).

When Peter was imprisoned something different happened because the church offered continuous prayer to God for him. The incessant prayers reached God’s throne room and He sent His angel to miraculously rescue Peter from the prison where he was bound in chains between 2 soldiers (Acts 12:1-17).

Beloved in Christ, that same God who answered Hannah, Joshua, Jabez, and the church in Acts of the Apostles – just to mention a few, is still in the business of answered prayers.

Miracle no dey tire God!

Shalom!

The Sanctity of Marriage Vows

 

Malachi 2:13-14

13 Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. 14 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

Marriage is established through vows spoken before God, and the people of God. God is a witness to this solemn promise and covenant of faith. Marriage is a solemn covenant of a lifetime commitment between one man and one woman. God does not want us to break those vows.

Here’s a sample reminder of the marriage vows that are normally spoken by the bride and the groom:

The minister addresses the groom:

(Groom), do you take (bride) to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honor, and protect her, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

The groom says: I do.

As the groom places the ring on the bride’s finger, he says:

With this ring, I, (groom), take you (bride) to be my wife, to have, and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part, according to God’s holy Word. I give you this ring as a sign of constant faith and abiding love. With my body I honor you, all that I am I give to you; this is my solemn vow.

Marriage is solemnized by vows in the presence of God and God’s people. It is a holy union between a man and woman. Your wife is yours because of the vow (solemn promise) or covenant you made with her in God’s presence. God is a covenant keeping God, and so God does not want us to break those vows.

Have you been filling the place of worship with your weeping and wailing because you don’t get what you want from GOD? And then you ask, ‘Why?’ The Lord may be saying to you take a look at your marriage vows, and keep your solemn promise.

I know there is no perfect marriage, and so we may have falling short in our marriage vows in one way or more. If you agree with me, walk up to your loving spouse and say these three simple words “I am sorry”.

Shalom!

She is Another Man's Wife

 

Genesis 20:1-10

 Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, 2 and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” Then Abimelek king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her.

3 But God came to Abimelek in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.”

4 Now Abimelek had not gone near her, so he said, “Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation? 5 Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands.”

6 Then God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know you did this with a clear conscience, and so I have kept you from sinning against me. That is why I did not let you touch her. 7 Now return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all who belong to you will die.”

When we read the above scripture our mind is often drawn to vs 7 that God was angry with Abimelek because he took Sarah the wife of a prophet Abraham. No!

Take a look at vs 3. God was angry with Abimelek because he took another man’s wife and not because he took a prophets wife. What is the consequence? Death to Abimelek and all that's his (vs 7)!

Now, in the present day, it is possible you may know someone who is involved in this abomination and is not physically dead. What the scripture is referring to here is spiritual death, separation from God. You and all that belongs to you becomes what the bible refers to as Ichabod (1 Samuel 4:19). The glory of God will depart from you. You will just exist, but not living, as well as all that is yours. You and all that is yours will be without the hedge of God open to the bite of the serpent (Ecclesiastes 10:8). Imagine living without the hedge of God; your business without the hedge of God, your children without the hedge of God, and everything that you own without the hedge of God. Disaster waiting to happen! Imagine what Job in the bible went through when the hedge of God was removed from him (Job 1-16).

It is not uncommon to see the Business Empire built over the years collapse unexpectedly. It is not uncommon to see children of first class graduates amount to nothing in life. Where there is no glory there is no success story.

Are you crushing on another man’s wife, or are you already involved in intimacy with another man’s wife? Repent and seek forgiveness. Is another man’s wife seducing you? Run far away !

Shalom!

Read also Proverbs 5:3-23