HOW TO PUT GOD FIRST IN YOUR DATING RELATIONSHIP

 

If you want to honour God in your dating relationship, it is only natural you date in a way that honours God. I know a lot of Christian singles had always wanted to have a relationship where God is first, but once they entered into a relationship somewhere along the line, there time with God will dwindle, and dependence on their dating mate would grow, and the things they will end up doing within the relationship will not be so biblical.

In our world where love and relationship impact so many young people, and in more cases women, how can one be confident in putting God first while their partner is also in total agreement?

First let me share with you some common dating scenarios;

A lot of Christian women of dating age dream of marrying a man who would be excited to go to church and other Christian activities with her and her kids. A man who would spend time in prayer, seek God and lead the family with an extreme sense of faith. 

But, once they enter into a relationship, and relay this dream to their partner, they will soon realize their partner is not about that life, or nowhere thinking about that life yet, and the relationship will begin to drift apart. Such religious talk will prove how different they were in their beliefs, even though they both claim to be Christians. 

With this kind of dating experience, most single women who want to live a life of Christ, may decide to no longer date anyone who would question putting God first in their relationship.  

They may think if they meet this value head-on before a connection with someone grew too serious, then they would save themselves time and energy on single men who weren’t for them. Wrong!

Some men will claim they too, were thinking in that direction, only to approve of bending God’s rules when it comes to sex. 

Other guys would agree it is important to have God as the center of the relationship, but they also believe in other forms of God and think it was just ok for both of you to agree that God is God, no matter how you see Him.

The worst guys will listen with a sincere heart, only to dismiss the thought with ‘what has that got to do with us, after all we are meant for each other’. Nope!

Finding the love of your life doesn’t have to take you away from your love for Christ and the love of Christ.

How can you have a God centered relationship?

Here are a few tips to make that happen;

Embrace your identity in Christ: If your potential date notices you and sees nothing about your values, style or how you carry yourself or how your reputation speaks about putting God first, then he will not be certain that this is a value of yours. Therefore, once you bring up this value up, it is going to come up as a surprise, and one of two things will happen; he/she will lose interest in you, or he/she will still try to start a relationship with you and won’t take this part of you seriously since it seems you don’t either. 

Set your relationship boundaries before you go deeper: During your talking phase is when you set your relationship expectations, not when it has become official. How? Boundaries for restraint are important and necessary as the commitment in the relationship is not certain yet. Stay out of heavy petting and let things develop progressively with time. Well, if you are looking to put God first, then you will want a pure relationship. Set your curfews, establish your body contact limits without indications of sexual desire, get accountability partners etc. If both of you are serious you will go with the flow and make it work. If any of you is not serious about the set boundaries the relationship won’t last. Either way, your heart won’t get broken, and you will not be bending God’s rules. 

Avoid sexting: This is the exchange of text messages that could lead to temptations of sexual desire, or with intentions to arouse sexual desire.  This is because there is a thin line between emotions and intentions. Heart felt messages could be misinterpreted and emotional feelings wrongly aroused. 

Date with the intention of getting married: Do not date for fun as is done in the modern world, but if you’re trying to serve God, you should be looking for the partner God has chosen as your spouse. Only date someone if you see them as a potential life-long partner. That doesn’t mean that you have to marry the person you date. According to Amos 3:3, Can two work together unless they agree?  But do spend your time critically evaluating whether they’d be a good fit for you.    

Avoid becoming physically intimate before marriage: Since you are dating someone you are attracted to, it can be hard to resist the temptation to be close to them physically. However, God instructs His followers to wait until marriage to be physically intimate together. To help keep yourselves pure, observe boundaries that you both feel are safe, honorable, and respectable.

For instance, you might agree that until you’re married, you’ll only kiss on the cheek.

Try to avoid innocent-seeming activities that might tempt you to have impure thoughts, like sitting on each other's laps or giving each other massages.

Embody the love described in 1 Cor 13:4-8: One of the most well-known passages in the Bible describes pure love, and it’s an excellent description of the way you should strive to treat your partner in a relationship. It describes love as patient, hopeful, trusting, and selfless. Try to live up to this example as you build a healthy, God-centered relationship.

The passage says: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”.

Even if your faith follows a different holy text, you can still use this beautiful verse as a reminder of how to treat your partner.

Rely on God and each other when times are difficult: There is no perfect relationship, just know you will have to face struggles together. These might be arguments because you don’t agree on things, or you might have to overcome hardships and grief together as a couple. No matter what comes your way, don't turn against each other. Trust that God will care for you, and work together to find God's solution to any problem.

Remember, if you and your partner get married, you’ll have to take on difficult situations together throughout your life. If you have a hard time working together when you’re dating, you may have a hard time being on the same page later on, as well.

Avoid situations that may lead to temptation to sin: If you are seeking God to be the center of your relationship, it’s a good idea for the two of you to avoid people, places, and situations where you might be tempted to do things you know displease God.

For instance, you might choose not to attend a party if you suspect there will be drinking and drugs, or you might avoid going to clubs where people tend to dance suggestively.

You may also want to avoid watching movies or TV shows that contain graphic sex, violence, or language. 

Spend time with other Christian couples: Group dating can help you avoid the temptation to be physical, but it is also a way to strengthen your identity in God, since you'll be surrounded by other people who share same religious faith and are also seeking God. Try to find another couple or a group of peers who are about your same age, and spend time together on a regular basis.

You might choose to have a weekly prayer meeting, do team-based service missions, or just hang out and do casual things like grilling, going out to eat, or playing sports.

It can also help you strengthen your relationship if you find mentors within your church. For instance, you might sit down with a couple who’s been married for several years to ask them about some of the challenges they dealt with when they were dating.