Situationship is a relationship without a label on it, like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship. It is a casual relationship that includes physical intimacy despite a lack of commitment, and because of the lack of clear direction in situationship, people end up heartbroken. In most cases the victims are women.
When a romantic feeling is developed, the evidence of lack of consistency and lack of stability starts to scare you, which eventually leads to anxiety and frustration. Even where there is a mutual understanding between the two of you.
The difference between situationship and relationship
The key difference between situationship and relationship is the lack of commitment. You are not officially dating and therefore do not have to meet each other’s requirements and expectations or assume the responsibilities of a partner. Even though you have a relationship tag, you are free to date other people. The sad reality here is that most young singles fall for this, and end up getting hurt.
Situationship is oftentimes very attractive to men (and women) that are not interested in a relationship but want to get their physical needs met. You get to enjoy the benefits of a romantic relationship, such as physical and emotional intimacy without the responsibilities of it.
That is why as a single Christian who desires to navigate the waters of dating, you need to know how to set boundaries based on God’s standard for intimate relationship with the opposite sex, and save yourself unforeseen heartaches.
How long do situationships last?
It has no defined length of time, but it usually ends when one person catches strong feelings and initiates the ‘what are we’ conversation.
Sometimes that conversation goes well and defines a direction the relationship should follow, and both people decide to make it official. However, more often than not, you realize that you want different things in a relationship and eventually go you separate ways.
However, a situationship only lasts, if both people have no common purpose to be together.
How to know if you are in a situationship
Here are 10 signs to help know you’re in a situationship:
Non-committal to plans: A true characteristics of a person who is ready to date you on purposeful is that he will commit to plans beforehand. When he is interested and excited about an event, two weeks from now he will want you to join him and make sure you are aware and available.
In non-committal relationships, on the other hand, a man will ‘hit you up’ last minute. He won’t plan date beforehand or make plans for the future in general.
Ghosting: This is probably the most staple behavior of a situationship partner.
If the partner you are seeing or talking to ghosts you on a regular basis. Meaning he/she will pop in and out of your life without warning or explanation.
Consistency dot not matter in how often you see each other or talk to each other. Sometimes you don’t hear from him/her for weeks at a time, because he/she does not respond to text messages or phone calls.
That behavior is a sign of not being serious about the ‘relationship’ and prefers his/her freedom. This unreliable act is deliberate, so that you cannot expect more from him/her.
Surface level conversation: Conversations in a situationship remains at the surface level. Instead of talking about your dreams, fears, and insecurities you stay in shallow waters and discuss your hobbies, friends, and work.
So, if you find yourself talking about the same old stuff every time you meet, then that’s a clear sign that he/she does not want to open up to you and considers it a situationship.
Listen to your guts: If your guts tell you, you are in a situationship, then you are in a situationship. If you repeatedly feel anxious or stressed by the ‘situation’ because of the uncertainty and ambiguity, then it’s because your gut is telling you that this is not a real relationship that you can rely on.
This is the time to initiates the ‘what are we’ conversation, so you can define the direction the relationship should follow.
A situationship does not guarantee security. On the contrary, it actually leaves you out in the open wondering what you can and cannot do or say in order to protect yourself.
There is no commitment: If you are in a relationship where you have never discussed the status of the relationship but feel like you need to, it is because you are already participating in a no commitment relationship.
In actual fact, the only thing that differentiates a situationship from a relationship is that both partners sat down and discussed the terms of their relationship. What they expect from each other and what they are willing to contribute to each other’s lives.
He/she tells you that he does not want a relationship: What else do you want to hear? If a potential date tells you he does not want a relationship, then that means he/she does not want a relationship!
And all you should do is believe him/her. Do not try to change him/her, convince him/her or guilt-trip him/her into the opposite, because it will not work.
So, when he/she tells you he/she is not ready to be in a committed relationship and you decided to remain in the situation anyways then you are officially in a situationship.
You keep the relationship private: People in situationships have no identity. You are not his girlfriend and he is not your boyfriend, however, when you try to explain what you are to someone it sounds confusing. Because, a simple excuse such as ‘he is just a friend’ is not enough.
This is the reason a lot of people keep situationships private or even a secret. No outdoor dates and no introducing each other to friends and family. Women do so out of shame that others will judge and men do so out of fear that another dating interest may find out.
But, we all know that when you have to keep something hidden it’s often not a good sign and in this case, it indicates that you are in a situationship.
You hide your feelings and emotions: One feeling you constantly have in stuationship is fear of the unknown. You constantly fear that something is wrong and ask yourself ‘does he like me?’, ‘am I boring?’, ‘is he going to breakup with me?’.
And in an effort to avoid appearing too possessive you now try to play it cool, by never bringing up your feelings or expectations. This only makes the situation worse.
The best thing to do to keep a relationship healthy is to honestly discuss each other and expectations. Putting you first and openly communicating your own needs to your partner, will ultimately improve the relationship and not harm it.
Women tend to worry that expressing their emotions will turn men off. Therefore they often suck in all their resentment and anger until they explode.
He never presents himself/herself as your significant other: Due to the fact that you keep the relationship private, it is no surprise that he/she is never available when you have important events or social gatherings to go to.Not showing up in public as your significant other indicates to the world that he/she is not available. And that’s a problem if he wants to keep his/her options open and flirt or meet with other dates.
Therefore, a sign that you are in a situationship is when he comes up with all types of excuses as to why he cannot join you for important events such as social gathering.
You only show affectionwhen you are together: When you are in a situationship with someone, the physical chemistry is not there when you are not together. It’s as if you two are good old friends from kindergarten, close but not that close, with no common goal to look forward to.
How to end a situationship
The best and most effective way of walking away from a situationship is by having an honest conversation where you state why a situationship does not work for you based on your desire for a committed God centered relationship.
You can do that in-person, on the phone, or even via text.
Ideally, use a pre-crafted text script that you can use to convey exactly what you mean respectfully and carefully. That will allow you to end things completely and get out of the situationship .
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