How to Guard Your Heart in Christian Dating

 

God understood why we need to guard our hearts in life including in dating when He counseled us in Proverbs 4:23. The heart is the center of the whole person—not just the source of emotions and will but also of wisdom and perspective. In essence, the heart referred to who you are as a person.

What you do flows from who you are. That’s why Proverbs 4:23 instructs us to guard the heart (who you are) because the wellspring of life (what you do) flows from it. Therefore, it is essential for you to guard your heart in dating because what you do in a dating relationship flows from whom you are in a dating relationship.

Guarding your heart does not merely involve protecting yourself from too much intimacy with someone of the opposite sex. But guarding your heart is so much more than this! It’s a call to protect your character in all that you do.

Guarding your heart is the key to saving yourself for your future spouse in a way that honors God. In order to avoid the pain of premature emotional bonding in a dating relationship– a relationship that may never translate into marriage, here are 5 ways to guard your heart:

Avoid praying together: Sounds shocking? It’s no typo error, you read it right.  We’ve always been taught that prayer is such an important part of any relationship.  While this sounds good, it’s actually a really dangerous road to travel at such early stages in a relationship.

Seeking the heart of God and pouring out your heart and soul to Him through prayer is one of the most emotionally vulnerable places you will ever be.  It’s essentially like being spiritually naked because before God, you hide nothing emotionally.

In the early stages of dating, seek to pursue God as an individual before allowing your relationship to become a trio prematurely by including your significant other.  There will be a day for deep and intimate spiritual unity…but it’s not now.

Your dating relationship in it’s early stages is meant to be a time of getting to know each other, and learning all the superficial things you can know before taking it to the next level. Use this season for just that!  Don’t go too deep too fast, because the emotional intimacy that comes with deep shared moments like this can actually pull you in far deeper than you were ever meant to go, and in the end, leave you with a broken heart…and a broken spirit.

Open up a little at a time: Dating is such a special time.  It’s a time to really get to know someone and invest in who they are.  It’s a time to let your guard down a little at a time and begins to share the truths of who you are.

Take note of the key word, A little at a time. When you enter into relationship, you should be at a point in your life where you are ready to be open, ready to share, and ready to communicate.  But there should always be limits to this kind of openness.  There are times to be open and share your heart–but, there are also times to withhold.

I don’t recommend sitting down at your first date and spilling every detail and secret in your life.  Relationships should be seen as a journey of building trust.  You build a little at a time.  You give a little at a time.  Lay the foundations first, and then begin building the house.  Be real, be genuine, and be honest- but never without the anchor of boundaries and the weight of wisdom.

Don’t talk about commitment, before you’ve actually committed: The temptation often arise to talk about the future when you’re dating.  You want to dream together, to envision the future together, and to create this world up ahead to live for.  I think there is a time and place for this kind of discussion.  Later on in a relationship it’s important to be on the same page and to have a similar outlook on what is to come relationally.

Take your time; allow your relationship to go through the necessary seasons before you allow your conversation to jump ahead.  Because where your conversation goes your heart will go, too.

Pay close attention to red flags: Don't ignore any relationship red flags. If you're with someone who's physically or emotionally abusive, lies, or mistrusts you, these are key signs that you should end the relationship. If you don't pay attention to these warning signs, you're leaving yourself vulnerable to future heartbreak. A red flag is a good intuitive image to help you process what you’re really feeling. At the end of a difficult relationship, people often say, 'He (or she) told me who he (or she) was at the very beginning, but I just didn’t listen.' Learn to trust what you feel. Your hunch is probably right.

 Stop prioritizing the Superficial: It would help if you focused on what truly matters. Concentrate on values, goals, and morals, rather than high-paying jobs and luxury items. If you eliminate people because they don't fit into a certain mold, you may be missing out on a deeper connection. To protect your heart, you should prioritize what truly matters so that you find a relationship that's fulfilling in every way.