Many a time’s men focus mainly on a woman’s appearance when they are seeking whom they will date or marry. But there are more important traits to consider. The value and character traits of a woman are often underestimated by many men when looking for a mate.
Choosing a mate isn’t all about physical beauty or even personality. In describing the nearly perfect woman in Proverbs 31:30, Solomon wrote, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised”.
There are few traits of character a Christian woman should strive to attain, which Godly men seek after in a potential spouse. Here are some of them:
Godly men seek women of sound character: In1Timothy 3:11 the apostle Paul wrote, “Wives must also be of good character. They must not be gossips, but they must control their tempers and be trustworthy in every way”. What foundational character can be more important than this?
Godly men seek women who will be faithful: Is she a woman of God who is committed to being faithful?
As Ruth famously said, “Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16).
A woman who is committed to being faithful to God her entire life should be the foremost character a man looks for in a wife.
Who is her greatest influencer? : Every one of us has people who have a powerful influence on us, so considering whom she chooses to be influenced by is important. To whom does she look to the most for advice? Are these people of solid moral character? Solomon also wrote, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Proverbs 12:26).
Observe whom her closest friends and advisers are, and see what direction they influence her toward.
Godly men look for women who are tenderhearted: Is she tenderhearted toward others, wanting to help and serve others when she sees a need? Among the fruit of the Spirit we find kindness, goodness and gentleness (Galatians 5:22-23). These are spiritual qualities that allow us to exhibit the characteristics Paul described in Ephesians 4:32: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
Godly men seek women who are teachable: This characteristics trait is a reflection of her heart. Perhaps nothing reveals a person’s depth and genuine level of humility more quickly than having a heart that is teachable. Not everyone can see a need to learn more and accept instruction.
A teachable person will be learning from his or her own mistakes, as well as those of others, and will be constantly growing and maturing. “Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning” (Proverbs 9:9).
Godly men seek women who are careful with words: A lot of people throw around words freely, saying whatever they believe you want to hear, but never really meaning it. Others liberally sprinkle their conversations with gossip and scintillating tales about others. Women are not known to use vulgar or profane language, but it appears that societal taboo seems long gone now. Women today are often as crass and crude as men can be in their speech.
A woman of godly character will not allow her speech to become infected with anything that is improper or sinful.
God doesn’t see careless and idle words as something of little consequence. The Bible instructs us to be always truthful (Zechariah 8:16) and to avoid gossip (Proverbs 20:19). Her speech should always be “with grace, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). A woman who uses her words wisely and carefully will fulfill what Solomon wrote in Proverbs 25:11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”
Godly men seek women who are respectful: Respect is one of the most misunderstood words in the Bible. A husband and wife are both called to respect one another, however, the way a man craves respect is different than what a woman craves. A man and woman both need love but they receive love differently. The way a man receives love is by being respected.
A Christian man doesn’t want a woman who is helpless. But he is also unattracted to a woman who will not allow him to use his strength to serve her in humble leadership. Proverbs 11:22 states, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”
A Christian man finds a modest woman attractive because biblically he knows it is safer to get to know her than a seductive woman.
A Christian man will actually be pushed away from a seductive woman because he knows God has called him to flee sexual passions outside of marriage.
1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality.”
Genesis 39:10-12, “And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.”
In other words, it doesn’t matter how physically stunning a woman is, if she disrespects a man he will absolutely not be attracted to her.
Godly men seek women who express beauty through modesty: A Christian guy who is mature in the Lord is not going to want to date a woman who dresses sexy and in a way that purposefully insights passion in a man’s eyes. Of course men are responsible for not lusting after a woman’s body regardless of what she is wearing, but let’s not pretend there are not appearance choices a woman can make which she knows will arouse a man visually.
Rather than be attracted to a woman who does this, a Christian man will actually try to stay away from an immodest woman if he is trying to obey the word of God:
Proverbs 6:25, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.”
Proverbs 5:3-5 “For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.
Godly men see women who are emotionally predictable:It is true that all humans are emotionally unstable sometimes. Men and women included. However, if you are unstable all the time and are constantly coming up with new ways to be offended or cause drama, this is going to push men away. Proverbs 21:9 states, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
Godly men seek women who are trustworthy: In a committed relationship, everything is out in the open. Whatever secrets you try to hide will only come back to haunt you later. A man should seek out a woman who trusts him and whom he can trust. Is she dependable? Can you be confident she’ll do what she commits to? “In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything”- 1 Timothy 3:11
Godly men seek women who are content: Is she constantly unhappy and dissatisfied? Or is she able to find joy in the hard times and the waiting? You’re not looking for a woman who never gets sad or feels unsettled, and we aren’t saying to write someone off for bringing up things she’s not happy with. But if she is overall someone who is never satisfied, it would be wise for her to find contentment in Christ alone before you’re added to the picture. “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs”- 1 Timothy 6:6-10
Godly men seek women who are peace lovers: A peaceful woman is not about drama or picking fights, but about pursuing and preserving unity. In fact, the book of Proverbs says it’s better to live in a desert (Proverbs 21:19) or an attic (Proverbs 25:24) than it is to be married to someone who is argumentative.
Godly men seek women who are hardworking: Have you heard of a Proverbs 31 woman from the famous passage that describes several desirable traits in a woman (Proverbs 31:10-31). Did you know that at least 11 of the 21 verses in that passage talk about her diligence and hard work? Look for someone who is hardworking and responsible; a woman who gets things done, when they need to be done, and who uses resources wisely.
Godly men seek women who are committed to Christ: Christ should be the focus of her life. This looks like yielding to His word, being prayerful, living in community, and being committed to a body of believers.
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) That’s a true trophy wife. That’s the true prize. “Give her the reward she has earned.”(Proverbs 31:31a).
We could go on and on with the list of qualities of a Godly woman, but all of the mentioned qualities are good places to start when looking for God’s match for you.
We were not meant to be alone in this world, but rather to share our lives with someone who will help us become better people. Single men, if you’re pursuing God yourself and you’re ready for marriage, find the godliest woman you know and ask her out. Single girls, if a godly man asks you out and you are open to dating, say yes. If you say no, be honest as to why. Men, be intentional. Women, be honest
And if there are areas she can grow, pray for her instead of writing her off. If you are looking for a replica of mother Mary; the mother of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ to marry, chances are you may not find any because she was created for that purpose. You’re not looking for a perfect woman, but a woman who is wholeheartedly following Jesus. Think about where she’s headed and who she’ll become, and trust God to work.
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