WHAT GODLY WOMEN SEEK IN THE MEN THEY DATE

 

Are you a single lady, just looking to find a good Christian man to date? There are good Christian single guys out there. Maybe you even have a man pursuing you now, but you’re not sure whether he is the right guy to date. Paying attention to a potential interest’s characteristics is important for finding that godly man. But knowing which characteristics are most important to you, as well as those characteristics to look for that will promote a healthy and fulfilling relationship can be overwhelming.

Are you aware there’s a difference between a good man and a godly man?

A godly man makes wise decisions, is kind, and loves you based on a godly standard. A good man makes sound decisions, is nice, and loves you based on a worldly standard. 

While both of these men can be great boyfriends, fiancés, and husbands, discerning between a godly man and a worldly man is important if you want to date with purpose. 

Being a Godly man it’s about his character, his morals, and his values as well as that he strives towards becoming more like Christ every day.

However, looking for God in a man will always be an impossible task. But, looking for a man that chooses to live a godly life—or love in ways that reflect God’s promises—is a worthwhile quest.

So, what qualities in a man should you look for? If we search through examples of God’s love in the Bible, we can piece together a reflection of him.

Here are some qualities in a Godly man for those ladies in the Christian dating world that will help pinpoint some of the most important qualities of a Christian man worth seeking:    

Seek an honest man: A great indicator of honesty in a man is his willingness to be transparent. He gives you access to use his phone. He lets you know his needs, he is a man of his word, do not lie, steal or betray. Being honest, and living those truths evidently, is the foundational quality of a godly man.

Trust should be at the foundation of every committed relationship. This so, because after it is established, you feel encouraged to open up to each other, invest in each other, and eventually commit to each other.

Broken trust is a major deal-breaker in relationships, and lying is the fastest way of breaking that trust. No matter how big or small the lie might be, it leaves an unpleasant aftertaste and makes you suspicious of every following statement.

For this reason honesty is one of the most important qualities to look for in a potential spouse.

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices” (Col. 3:9).

“The Lord detests lying lips but delights in people who are trustworthy.” ( Proverbs 12:22). 

Seek a man who expresses humility: Humility in a godly man recognizes that whatever strength, ability, or blessing he presently enjoys is ‘but by the grace of God’ (1 Cor. 15:10).

He is not too proud to kneel, not too important to lower himself to a child’s eye-level, humble enough to pray as a way of life, not as a display for others to witness. . He prays in his closet, in the car, while at work and with the people he loves and lives with. Not as a wearisome task or burden, but to seek his Father’s guidance. 

One common habit of couples in healthy relationships is that both partners are able to lay aside selfishness and consider the other one’s interest and well-being as important as their own. That is only possible if both of you can humble yourselves.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”  – Philippians 2:3-4

Seek a man who value commitment: A man who is committed will wince at the prospect of tearing away his flesh from his wife. If you love a man like this, thank him for honoring your unity.

God’s earliest breaths confirm this commitment;

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Seek a man that perseveres: A man without perseverance will give up every time he encounters challenges. This is a problem. Because if there is one thing that I can assure you then it’s that there are plenty of challenges to face in relationship. Challenges, set-backs and flat out failures will happen, especially in relationships. And they will test your spirit, your love and your faith.

Having someone by your side that knows how to persevere is important for you and your future family.

If you are not certain your love interest has perseverance, then just watch him in times of stress.

Does he give up quickly and lose all hope? Or does he trust God to make a way?

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”(James 1:12). 

Seek a man generous: A generous man that knows that his riches come from God. He has less difficulty to let go of worldly possessions and worries less about money. He knows that God can meet his needs and will provide for him in due time.

Apart from tithes and offering, you will encounter people that need help. While you certainly don’t have to give all, giving blesses the giver just as much as the recipient. 

A man that gives generously attracts people that enjoy giving as well. And a community like that is sure to bless you and your future family when in need.

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” (2 Corinthians 9:6)

Seek a man that takes responsibility: Taking responsibility is a prime indicator of maturity and wisdom and therefore one of the more important characteristics to look for in a man. In a relationship, you will face a lot of situations where someone needs to take charge and make a decision. A man should be willing to do so spirit-led. But also take full responsibility for his actions in hindsight.

Take note of your boyfriend carefully when he is under fire. Does he own it or repeatedly blame it on something/ somebody else? If he tends to avoid taking responsibility, remember that small decisions now, become big decisions later.

“So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” – Romans 14:12

Seek a man with good communication skills: A man, who is self-aware with good communication skill, will be able to say his needs and wants without getting angry or abusive. He will not be controlled by his emotions or pride, but by love.

He will know how to act in order to de-escalate potential arguments and make you feel heard. Knowing how to communicate with each other is essential for a successful relationship. 

Seek a man that talks to you with respect and acts reasonably even when he is agitated.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20). 

Seek a man who is forgiving: In a relationship, you will be wronged because neither of you is perfect. If your man is forgiving, it’s a sign that he is compassionate and kind, which are all important in relationships.

Be sure that he isn’t the type to hold on to a grudge and be bitter, but instead looks for opportunities to experience joy. After all, forgiveness comes easy if the person is filled with love.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”. (Ephesians 4:32). 

Seek a man that will be faithful:   This insinuates a reputation. Most men can fake the things when trying to impress a girl. But does he have a reputation for being faithful? To have a reputation, people actually have to know him. Is he following God in every area of his life? Does he keep his commitments?

“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?”(Proverbs 20:6).

Seek a hardworking man: Is he disciplined or is he all about his comfort? A diligent person can be counted on to provide. Does he work hard or is he prone to laziness.

“Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labour” (Proverbs 12:24). 

Seek a man who is repentant: It’s been said that the best apology is changed behavior. And this goes for men and women. A godly person takes hold of this reality, and repents through confession and new choices. And that means the wounds caused by sins committed in darkness can heal by God’s radiant grace as you walk in the light.

Romans 2:4 tells us that God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance. This means that God is always ready to forgive. 

Seek a man that shows wisdom: In contrast to popular belief, wisdom isn’t just gained with age, but can be found at a younger age too. How? By fearing God and listening to wise counsel.

The last thing you want is a man that is full of pride and blinded by his own knowledge, believes he knows it all and doesn’t have to listen to anyone, including you. 

Rather you want to be with someone that seeks wisdom by seeking God’s guidance, his word and a relationship with him. That man is humble and understands that no matter how much he knows, he doesn’t know it all and needs to rely on God.

“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding.” (Proverbs 3:13).

Seek a man that has fear of God: This is the most important characteristic of a godly man in a relationship. If a man doesn’t fear God there is no guarantee that he is not going to change his behavior at one point. The only thing that will keep a man in check is if he fears God and lives his life accordingly. Knowing that God judges our behavior towards each other and sees the things we do in the dark encourages us to live a life of obedience.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (Proverbs 1:7). 

These Godly traits are a great foundation when you are seeking what characteristics to look for in a Christian man. While searching for these traits in man is a worthwhile quest, be sure to exhibit them too as they are based on biblical principles to help you date with a difference and Marry well.

WHAT GODLY MEN SEEK IN THE WOMEN THEY DATE

 

Many a time’s men focus mainly on a woman’s appearance when they are seeking whom they will date or marry. But there are more important traits to consider. The value and character traits of a woman are often underestimated by many men when looking for a mate. 

Choosing a mate isn’t all about physical beauty or even personality. In describing the nearly perfect woman in Proverbs 31:30, Solomon wrote, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised”. 

There are few traits of character a Christian woman should strive to attain, which Godly men seek after in a potential spouse. Here are some of them:

Godly men seek women of sound character:  In1Timothy 3:11 the apostle Paul wrote, “Wives must also be of good character. They must not be gossips, but they must control their tempers and be trustworthy in every way”. What foundational character can be more important than this?

Godly men seek women who will be faithful: Is she a woman of God who is committed to being faithful?

As Ruth famously said, “Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16). 

A woman who is committed to being faithful to God her entire life should be the foremost character a man looks for in a wife.

Who is her greatest influencer? : Every one of us has people who have a powerful influence on us, so considering whom she chooses to be influenced by is important. To whom does she look to the most for advice? Are these people of solid moral character? Solomon also wrote, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Proverbs 12:26).

Observe whom her closest friends and advisers are, and see what direction they influence her toward.

Godly men look for women who are tenderhearted: Is she tenderhearted toward others, wanting to help and serve others when she sees a need? Among the fruit of the Spirit we find kindness, goodness and gentleness (Galatians 5:22-23). These are spiritual qualities that allow us to exhibit the characteristics Paul described in Ephesians 4:32: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Godly men seek women who are teachable:  This characteristics trait is a reflection of her heart. Perhaps nothing reveals a person’s depth and genuine level of humility more quickly than having a heart that is teachable. Not everyone can see a need to learn more and accept instruction.

A teachable person will be learning from his or her own mistakes, as well as those of others, and will be constantly growing and maturing. “Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning” (Proverbs 9:9).

Godly men seek women who are careful with words: A lot of people throw around words freely, saying whatever they believe you want to hear, but never really meaning it. Others liberally sprinkle their conversations with gossip and scintillating tales about others. Women are not known to use vulgar or profane language, but it appears that societal taboo seems long gone now. Women today are often as crass and crude as men can be in their speech.

A woman of godly character will not allow her speech to become infected with anything that is improper or sinful.

God doesn’t see careless and idle words as something of little consequence. The Bible instructs us to be always truthful (Zechariah 8:16) and to avoid gossip (Proverbs 20:19). Her speech should always be “with grace, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). A woman who uses her words wisely and carefully will fulfill what Solomon wrote in Proverbs 25:11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

Godly men seek women who are respectful: Respect is one of the most misunderstood words in the Bible. A husband and wife are both called to respect one another, however, the way a man craves respect is different than what a woman craves. A man and woman both need love but they receive love differently. The way a man receives love is by being respected. 

A Christian man doesn’t want a woman who is helpless. But he is also unattracted to a woman who will not allow him to use his strength to serve her in humble leadership. Proverbs 11:22 states, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”

A Christian man finds a modest woman attractive because biblically he knows it is safer to get to know her than a seductive woman.

 A Christian man will actually be pushed away from a seductive woman because he knows God has called him to flee sexual passions outside of marriage.

1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality.”

Genesis 39:10-12, “And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.”

In other words, it doesn’t matter how physically stunning a woman is, if she disrespects a man he will absolutely not be attracted to her.

Godly men seek women who express beauty through modesty: A Christian guy who is mature in the Lord is not going to want to date a woman who dresses sexy and in a way that purposefully insights passion in a man’s eyes. Of course men are responsible for not lusting after a woman’s body regardless of what she is wearing, but let’s not pretend there are not appearance choices a woman can make which she knows will arouse a man visually.

Rather than be attracted to a woman who does this, a Christian man will actually try to stay away from an immodest woman if he is trying to obey the word of God:

Proverbs 6:25, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.”

Proverbs 5:3-5 “For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.

Godly men see women who are emotionally predictable:It is true that all humans are emotionally unstable sometimes. Men and women included. However, if you are unstable all the time and are constantly coming up with new ways to be offended or cause drama, this is going to push men away.  Proverbs 21:9 states, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”

Godly men seek women who are trustworthy: In a committed relationship, everything is out in the open. Whatever secrets you try to hide will only come back to haunt you later. A man should seek out a woman who trusts him and whom he can trust. Is she dependable? Can you be confident she’ll do what she commits to? “In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything”- 1 Timothy 3:11

Godly men seek women who are content: Is she constantly unhappy and dissatisfied? Or is she able to find joy in the hard times and the waiting? You’re not looking for a woman who never gets sad or feels unsettled, and we aren’t saying to write someone off for bringing up things she’s not happy with. But if she is overall someone who is never satisfied, it would be wise for her to find contentment in Christ alone before you’re added to the picture. “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.  Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs”- 1 Timothy 6:6-10

Godly men seek women who are peace lovers: A peaceful woman is not about drama or picking fights, but about pursuing and preserving unity. In fact, the book of Proverbs says it’s better to live in a desert (Proverbs 21:19) or an attic (Proverbs 25:24) than it is to be married to someone who is argumentative.

Godly men seek women who are hardworking: Have you heard of a Proverbs 31 woman from the famous passage that describes several desirable traits in a woman (Proverbs 31:10-31). Did you know that at least 11 of the 21 verses in that passage talk about her diligence and hard work? Look for someone who is hardworking and responsible; a woman who gets things done, when they need to be done, and who uses resources wisely.  

Godly men seek women who are committed to Christ: Christ should be the focus of her life. This looks like yielding to His word, being prayerful, living in community, and being committed to a body of believers.

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) That’s a true trophy wife. That’s the true prize. “Give her the reward she has earned.”(Proverbs 31:31a). 

We could go on and on with the list of qualities of a Godly woman, but all of the mentioned qualities are good places to start when looking for God’s match for you. 

We were not meant to be alone in this world, but rather to share our lives with someone who will help us become better people. Single men, if you’re pursuing God yourself and you’re ready for marriage, find the godliest woman you know and ask her out. Single girls, if a godly man asks you out and you are open to dating, say yes. If you say no, be honest as to why. Men, be intentional. Women, be honest

And if there are areas she can grow, pray for her instead of writing her off. If you are looking for a replica of mother Mary; the mother of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ to marry, chances are you may not find any because she was created for that purpose. You’re not looking for a perfect woman, but a woman who is wholeheartedly following Jesus. Think about where she’s headed and who she’ll become, and trust God to work.

HOW TO PUT GOD FIRST IN YOUR DATING RELATIONSHIP

 

If you want to honour God in your dating relationship, it is only natural you date in a way that honours God. I know a lot of Christian singles had always wanted to have a relationship where God is first, but once they entered into a relationship somewhere along the line, there time with God will dwindle, and dependence on their dating mate would grow, and the things they will end up doing within the relationship will not be so biblical.

In our world where love and relationship impact so many young people, and in more cases women, how can one be confident in putting God first while their partner is also in total agreement?

First let me share with you some common dating scenarios;

A lot of Christian women of dating age dream of marrying a man who would be excited to go to church and other Christian activities with her and her kids. A man who would spend time in prayer, seek God and lead the family with an extreme sense of faith. 

But, once they enter into a relationship, and relay this dream to their partner, they will soon realize their partner is not about that life, or nowhere thinking about that life yet, and the relationship will begin to drift apart. Such religious talk will prove how different they were in their beliefs, even though they both claim to be Christians. 

With this kind of dating experience, most single women who want to live a life of Christ, may decide to no longer date anyone who would question putting God first in their relationship.  

They may think if they meet this value head-on before a connection with someone grew too serious, then they would save themselves time and energy on single men who weren’t for them. Wrong!

Some men will claim they too, were thinking in that direction, only to approve of bending God’s rules when it comes to sex. 

Other guys would agree it is important to have God as the center of the relationship, but they also believe in other forms of God and think it was just ok for both of you to agree that God is God, no matter how you see Him.

The worst guys will listen with a sincere heart, only to dismiss the thought with ‘what has that got to do with us, after all we are meant for each other’. Nope!

Finding the love of your life doesn’t have to take you away from your love for Christ and the love of Christ.

How can you have a God centered relationship?

Here are a few tips to make that happen;

Embrace your identity in Christ: If your potential date notices you and sees nothing about your values, style or how you carry yourself or how your reputation speaks about putting God first, then he will not be certain that this is a value of yours. Therefore, once you bring up this value up, it is going to come up as a surprise, and one of two things will happen; he/she will lose interest in you, or he/she will still try to start a relationship with you and won’t take this part of you seriously since it seems you don’t either. 

Set your relationship boundaries before you go deeper: During your talking phase is when you set your relationship expectations, not when it has become official. How? Boundaries for restraint are important and necessary as the commitment in the relationship is not certain yet. Stay out of heavy petting and let things develop progressively with time. Well, if you are looking to put God first, then you will want a pure relationship. Set your curfews, establish your body contact limits without indications of sexual desire, get accountability partners etc. If both of you are serious you will go with the flow and make it work. If any of you is not serious about the set boundaries the relationship won’t last. Either way, your heart won’t get broken, and you will not be bending God’s rules. 

Avoid sexting: This is the exchange of text messages that could lead to temptations of sexual desire, or with intentions to arouse sexual desire.  This is because there is a thin line between emotions and intentions. Heart felt messages could be misinterpreted and emotional feelings wrongly aroused. 

Date with the intention of getting married: Do not date for fun as is done in the modern world, but if you’re trying to serve God, you should be looking for the partner God has chosen as your spouse. Only date someone if you see them as a potential life-long partner. That doesn’t mean that you have to marry the person you date. According to Amos 3:3, Can two work together unless they agree?  But do spend your time critically evaluating whether they’d be a good fit for you.    

Avoid becoming physically intimate before marriage: Since you are dating someone you are attracted to, it can be hard to resist the temptation to be close to them physically. However, God instructs His followers to wait until marriage to be physically intimate together. To help keep yourselves pure, observe boundaries that you both feel are safe, honorable, and respectable.

For instance, you might agree that until you’re married, you’ll only kiss on the cheek.

Try to avoid innocent-seeming activities that might tempt you to have impure thoughts, like sitting on each other's laps or giving each other massages.

Embody the love described in 1 Cor 13:4-8: One of the most well-known passages in the Bible describes pure love, and it’s an excellent description of the way you should strive to treat your partner in a relationship. It describes love as patient, hopeful, trusting, and selfless. Try to live up to this example as you build a healthy, God-centered relationship.

The passage says: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”.

Even if your faith follows a different holy text, you can still use this beautiful verse as a reminder of how to treat your partner.

Rely on God and each other when times are difficult: There is no perfect relationship, just know you will have to face struggles together. These might be arguments because you don’t agree on things, or you might have to overcome hardships and grief together as a couple. No matter what comes your way, don't turn against each other. Trust that God will care for you, and work together to find God's solution to any problem.

Remember, if you and your partner get married, you’ll have to take on difficult situations together throughout your life. If you have a hard time working together when you’re dating, you may have a hard time being on the same page later on, as well.

Avoid situations that may lead to temptation to sin: If you are seeking God to be the center of your relationship, it’s a good idea for the two of you to avoid people, places, and situations where you might be tempted to do things you know displease God.

For instance, you might choose not to attend a party if you suspect there will be drinking and drugs, or you might avoid going to clubs where people tend to dance suggestively.

You may also want to avoid watching movies or TV shows that contain graphic sex, violence, or language. 

Spend time with other Christian couples: Group dating can help you avoid the temptation to be physical, but it is also a way to strengthen your identity in God, since you'll be surrounded by other people who share same religious faith and are also seeking God. Try to find another couple or a group of peers who are about your same age, and spend time together on a regular basis.

You might choose to have a weekly prayer meeting, do team-based service missions, or just hang out and do casual things like grilling, going out to eat, or playing sports.

It can also help you strengthen your relationship if you find mentors within your church. For instance, you might sit down with a couple who’s been married for several years to ask them about some of the challenges they dealt with when they were dating.

DATING: SITUATIONSHIP VS RELATIONSHIP

 

Situationship is a relationship without a label on it, like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship. It is a casual relationship that includes physical intimacy despite a lack of commitment, and because of the lack of clear direction in situationship, people end up heartbroken. In most cases the victims are women. 

When a romantic feeling is developed, the evidence of lack of consistency and lack of stability starts to scare you, which eventually leads to anxiety and frustration. Even where there is a mutual understanding between the two of you. 

 The difference between situationship and relationship

The key difference between situationship and relationship is the lack of commitment. You are not officially dating and therefore do not have to meet each other’s requirements and expectations or assume the responsibilities of a partner. Even though you have a relationship tag, you are free to date other people. The sad reality here is that most young singles fall for this, and end up getting hurt. 

Situationship is oftentimes very attractive to men (and women) that are not interested in a relationship but want to get their physical needs met. You get to enjoy the benefits of a romantic relationship, such as physical and emotional intimacy without the responsibilities of it.  

That is why as a single Christian who desires to navigate the waters of dating, you need to know how to set boundaries based on God’s standard for intimate relationship with the opposite sex, and save yourself unforeseen heartaches.

 How long do situationships last?

It has no defined length of time, but it usually ends when one person catches strong feelings and initiates the ‘what are we’ conversation. 

Sometimes that conversation goes well and defines a direction the relationship should follow, and both people decide to make it official. However, more often than not, you realize that you want different things in a relationship and eventually go you separate ways.

However, a situationship only lasts, if both people have no common purpose to be together. 

 How to know if you are in a situationship 

Here are 10 signs to help know you’re in a situationship: 

 Non-committal to plans: A true characteristics of a person who is ready to date you on purposeful is that he will commit to plans beforehand.  When he is interested and excited about an event, two weeks from now he will want you to join him and make sure you are aware and available. 

In non-committal relationships, on the other hand, a man will ‘hit you up’ last minute. He won’t plan date beforehand or make plans for the future in general.

 Ghosting: This is probably the most staple behavior of a situationship partner. 

If the partner you are seeing or talking to ghosts you on a regular basis. Meaning he/she will pop in and out of your life without warning or explanation.

Consistency dot not matter in how often you see each other or talk to each other. Sometimes you don’t hear from him/her for weeks at a time, because he/she does not respond to text messages or phone calls.

That behavior is a sign of not being serious about the ‘relationship’ and prefers his/her freedom. This unreliable act is deliberate, so that you cannot expect more from him/her. 

 Surface level conversation: Conversations in a situationship remains at the surface level. Instead of talking about your dreams, fears, and insecurities you stay in shallow waters and discuss your hobbies, friends, and work.

So, if you find yourself talking about the same old stuff every time you meet, then that’s a clear sign that he/she does not want to open up to you and considers it a situationship.

 Listen to your guts: If your guts tell you, you are in a situationship, then you are in a situationship. If you repeatedly feel anxious or stressed by the ‘situation’ because of the uncertainty and ambiguity, then it’s because your gut is telling you that this is not a real relationship that you can rely on.

This is the time to initiates the ‘what are we’ conversation, so you can define the direction the relationship should follow.

A situationship does not guarantee security. On the contrary, it actually leaves you out in the open wondering what you can and cannot do or say in order to protect yourself.

 There is no commitment: If you are in a relationship where you have never discussed the status of the relationship but feel like you need to, it is because you are already participating in a no commitment relationship. 

In actual fact, the only thing that differentiates a situationship from a relationship is that both partners sat down and discussed the terms of their relationship. What they expect from each other and what they are willing to contribute to each other’s lives.

 He/she tells you that he does not want a relationship: What else do you want to hear? If a potential date tells you he does not want a relationship, then that means he/she does not want a relationship!

And all you should do is believe him/her. Do not try to change him/her, convince him/her or guilt-trip him/her into the opposite, because it will not work.

So, when he/she tells you he/she is not ready to be in a committed relationship and you decided to remain in the situation anyways then you are officially in a situationship.

 You keep the relationship private: People in situationships have no identity. You are not his girlfriend and he is not your boyfriend, however, when you try to explain what you are to someone it sounds confusing. Because, a simple excuse such as ‘he is just a friend’ is not enough. 

This is the reason a lot of people keep situationships private or even a secret. No outdoor dates and no introducing each other to friends and family. Women do so out of shame that others will judge and men do so out of fear that another dating interest may find out.

But, we all know that when you have to keep something hidden it’s often not a good sign and in this case, it indicates that you are in a situationship.

 You hide your feelings and emotions: One feeling you constantly have in stuationship is fear of the unknown.  You constantly fear that something is wrong and ask yourself ‘does he like me?’, ‘am I boring?’, ‘is he going to breakup with me?’.

And in an effort to avoid appearing too possessive you now try to play it cool, by never bringing up your feelings or expectations. This only makes the situation worse. 

The best thing to do to keep a relationship healthy is to honestly discuss each other and expectations. Putting you first and openly communicating your own needs to your partner, will ultimately improve the relationship and not harm it. 

Women tend to worry that expressing their emotions will turn men off. Therefore they often suck in all their resentment and anger until they explode. 

 He never presents himself/herself as your significant other:  Due to the fact that you keep the relationship private, it is no surprise that he/she is never available when you have important events or social gatherings to go to.Not showing up in public as your significant other indicates to the world that he/she is not available. And that’s a problem if he wants to keep his/her options open and flirt or meet with other dates. 

Therefore, a sign that you are in a situationship is when he comes up with all types of excuses as to why he cannot join you for important events such as social gathering.

 You only show affectionwhen you are together: When you are in a situationship with someone, the physical chemistry is not there when you are not together. It’s as if you two are good old friends from kindergarten, close but not that close, with no common goal to look forward to. 

 How to end a situationship

The best and most effective way of walking away from a situationship is by having an honest conversation where you state why a situationship does not work for you based on your desire for a committed God centered relationship.  

You can do that in-person, on the phone, or even via text. 

Ideally, use a pre-crafted text script that you can use to convey exactly what you mean respectfully and carefully. That will allow you to end things completely and get out of the situationship .

Conflict Resolution In Marriage

 

One of the best feelings in the world is falling in love. It can be exhilarating, overwhelming, and even euphoric. But, when the romantic bliss begins to wane (which is inevitable), conflicts arising from different issues sets in.

Conflict is an inevitable part of any marriage. However, how couples handle these occasional conflicts is crucial in maintaining a healthy and happy relationship, or driving a wedge in their relationship.

It is important to note that conflict in marriage doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. The truth is, learning how to handle conflicts can bring you closer. Successful marriage conflict resolution isn't avoiding fights;  it's understanding, communicating, and finding common ground for your marriage to thrive on. 

 Some Common Causes of Marital Conflicts 

1. Communication breakdown

Healthy communication is key to any successful relationship. It is important to note that effective communication involves speaking and listening. Active listening allows both partners to understand each other's perspective and work towards finding common ground.

2. Unmet or unreasonable expectations

Expectations are natural in marriages. However, when these expectations are unmet or unreasonable, they can result to conflicts.

In most cases, these expectations are unspoken with one partner assuming the other partner should intuitively know what they need. It is a big mistake to assume your partner to read your mind.

3. Time allocation to personal pursuit and marriage.

Marriage do not add extra time to the 24 hrs you had when you were single. But, marriage adds a latest addition to your life-your spouse! So, how you allocate your time to yourself, your career, friends, hobbies, and family before marriage should have a reschedule to include your new addition(spouse), and children as they arrive. Just know it that marriage comes with its KRAs-Key Responsibility Areas.

4. Lack of sexual intimacy or compatibility 

If you experience stronger sexual urge, as opposed to your less inclined spouse, can lead to conflict. 

Lack of honest sexual communication, intimacy inhibitions, work stress and household responsibilities are some serious issues that should be addressed in marriages . 

5. Challenges in managing marriage finances. 

Inability to manage marriage finances can put a wedge in your relationship. 

Temperament difference with respect to one partner being a big spender or another being a frugal, a sense of resentment of a working spouse towards the non working, a major shift in priorities and preferences can lead to marital conflict. 

Not making a full disclosure to your spouse about your financial situation, or a child support situation from your previous marriage are other culprits that can derail your marriage. 

6. Powerplay imbalance in personalities. 

Both spouses are seen as equal counterparts in a marriage. But, most times this concept is seen as utopian. 

In any relationship where one partner is domineering and the other submissive partner, subsequently leads to a resentful build-up, and unhealthy powerplay that will consequently put a strain in the relationship

Some Helpful Bible Principles for Conflict Resolution in Marriage

As imperfect humans that we are, there is hardly any issues, or challenging situations we will find ourselves in that the Bible has no wise counsel to help us navigate through the situation, and conflict in marriages is not an exception.

The Bible offers valuable insights on handling conflicts. There are a number of beneficial conflict resolution principles and practices that couples can adopt in other to engage in marital conflict more constructively.

Scripture is full of wise counsels that relate to interpersonal relationship that can help you and your spouse to apply the Word of God to work in your relationship and marital conflict resolution. We will be looking at some of them.

Commit to One Another

Ephesians 5:28-29 :"He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church."

Husbands are commanded to selflessly love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. In a perfect world this commandment will rarely be broken. But, in this fallen world we live in, the natural tendencies are to focus on ourselves and attempt to impose our will on others. These often leads to communication breakdown, and wounded relationships.

 Be an Active Listener

James 1:19 : My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry".

Take turns listening and speaking without interrupting or getting defensive so both parties feel heard and understood.

Use "I" statements

During your conversation with your spouse, using "I" statements can help express how the conflict affects you personally. This approach avoids blaming or accusing your partner but rather focuses on how their actions has impacted you. For instance, saying "I feel hurt when you do A," rather than "You always do A," can be more effective in resolving conflicts. 

 Find Common Ground

Corinthians 9:22: "When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some." 

One powerful tool in resolving conflicts is finding common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. Seek for areas of agreement and work towards finding a solution that is beneficial to both parties. This approach will foster a sense of teamwork rather than opposition. 

 Manage Emotions

Proverbs 16:32: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city". 

Ephesians 4:26-32: "But don't let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin! Don't let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day".

Learn to manage your emotions and put conflict in perspective. 

 Avoid Judgemental Language

Matthew 7:1-5: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you". 

The words you use at the heat of the disagreement matter and will be remembered.

 Allow Moments for Self Reflection 

2 Corinthians 13:5; Lamentations 3:40

God calls people to examine themselves. 

Romans 12:3

Paul encourages readers to have a modest view of themselves, and to be aware of when they hold themselves in too high a regard.

Remember no one is perfect. So, sometimes you may be the one at fault, allow yourself to reflect on that.

 Compromise

Romans 12:18: "If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

If you understand that both parties feelings and dreams need to be honored, then perfection shouldn't be the goal. Let go of your ego and seek peace. 

 Curb Your Temper

Proverbs 14:29  "Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly":

Anger expose us to thinking, speaking, and acting in quite a foolish manner. When you become conscious of your anger, take some intentional steps to slow down and stay engaged with your partner in a manner that promotes conflict resolution.

 Leave Revenge to God

Romans 12:19 "Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

When it comes to conflict resolution in marriage, however, God’s people are encouraged to let go of the impulse for revenge and to turn the conflict over to God.

Allow God to work on your spouse’s heart and allow Him to fight on your behalf. Often it is our woundedness that is driving our conflict with each other. God works at the level of the heart and only He can bring about the conflict resolution and healing that many of us (and our spouses) really need.

 Forgive Each Other

Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with one another and forgive one another, if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you". 

Forgiveness is essential in resolving conflicts in marriage. When you make allowance for human imperfections you are laying the foundation for Conflict Resolution and intimacy your relationship needs in order to thrive.

 Focus on the Positive

1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

Focusing on the positive makes a big difference in relationships. Focus on the positive aspects of your marriage, and the positive traits of your spouse and communicate them to each other in an encouraging manner.

 The Power of Apologies

Luke 17:3-4

"So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

A sincere apology is a powerful tool in resolving conflict. It acknowledges any wrongdoings and expresses remorse for any hurt caused.

Exercise Patience

Ephesians 4:2

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love".

Patience is vital in resolving conflicts in marriages. Conflict resolution takes time and requires patience from both parties. Seeking for a quick fix may not lead to long term healing within the relationship. It is important to note that conflict resolution is a process not an event.

 Seek a Marriage Counselor

Where the conflict proves too challenging to resolve on your own, seeking the help of a marriage counselor may provide the needed guidance and support. 

Seeking help from a counselor outside your marriage does not indicate weakness, but shows your willingness to make your marriage work.

How To Keep The Spark Of Sexual Intimacy Alive In Your Marriage

 

Sexual intimacy and enjoying a healthy sex life are important parts of marriage. God designed sex and gifted it to us to be enjoyed within a marriage relationship.

Many marriages see a decline in sexual passion and satisfaction over time. Sexual excitement, passion, pleasure, and satisfaction do not have to dwindle with time. Sexual passion if properly nurtured, can last for decades in the life of married couples. 

The joy of sexual union between husband and wife is part of being married, and part of the role of the hussband and wife involves sexual intimacy.

 The benefits of sexual intimacy in marriage:

Sexual intimacy help couples to be physically and emotionally healthy. Studies have shown that married people enjoy better health if the relationship between the couple is healthy and satisfying.

Sexual intimacy help couples to manage life stressors more effectively and become supportive of each other in the process.

If you are struggling to agree or get along in other areas, sexual intimacy can help your marriage.

During periods of strain in a relationship or tumultuous times, sexual intimacy helps to keep the marriage together for some couples.

Sexual intimacy promotes healthy self-esteem, and will help you in other areas of your life.

When you have a healthy intimate relationship with your partner, your career, your parenting abilities, and your friendship will be better.

 God's Design for sexual intimacy

1Corinthians 7:1-6

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

The Scripture encourages us to:

✓ Maintain a balanced and fulfilling

sex life (Vs. 2) . The husband and

wife decide on the frequency and

rhythm with which they enjoy

sexual intimacy. Sexual life must

be fulfilling, rewarding, and

satisfying to both.

✓ Sex must be enjoyed with

mutuality, each seeking to satisfy

the other (Vs. 3) . The husband

seeks to satisfy his wife, and wife

seeks to satisfy her husband. For

example,in sexual intimacy, the

husband is not just looking for

personal release and

gratification. He needs to engage

with his wife with the intent of

satisfying her,ensuring she enjoys

pleasure as well.

✓ Sex is an opportunity for the

husband and wife to enjoy each

other’s bodies and must not be

used to “hold something back”

(Vs. 4) . Do not use your body as a

weapon against your spouse by

withholding sex.

✓ The husband and wife can agree to

abstain from sex for a short period

of time for prayer and fasting(Vs.5) .

✓ The devil uses the areas of

sexuality as an area of attack, and

hence we need to be onguard in

this area. Enjoying a fulfilling sex

life is one important way to keep

the husband and wife secure in this

area (Vs.5) .

Keeping the Spark of Sexual Intimacy Alive in Your Marriage

Sexuality in Marriage can  change over time, but don't have to get boring. 

There are ways to prioritize marriage sexuality and keep it exciting.

Here are 10 tips to help you keep the spark of sexual intimacy alive in your marriage:

1. Set the mood in advance.

Start the foreplay in the morning if you want to have good sex at night. Send signals during the day,like hugs,texts, phone calls,or other flirtatious gestures to build excitements.

2. Hold hands and show affection. 

Studies shows that holding hands,hugging, and touching causes a calming sensation. Something as simple as long embrace,kiss,hand or foot massage can help you connect and build intimacy and signal to your partner that you are in the mood.

3. Communication. 

In marriage a healthy, and active sex life is anchored in communication. Share your innermost thoughts and feelings regularly. This might include talking about a sexual experience that you enjoy, or other things you might want to explore. True intimacy through communication can make marriage sexually great. 

4. Separate sexual intimacy from other issues. 

Sexual arousal loose excitement when we are distracted or streesed. So, avoid talking about relationship problems in the bedroom. 

5. Vary the kind of sex you have. 

Change your sex routine and try new things as sexual needs arise. Have gentle, tender, intimate and highly erotica sex. Experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other. 

6. Be emotionally vulnerable during sex. 

Share your fantasies, desires, and innermost wishes with your partner.

7. Make out time to spend with your partner. 

Enjoy courting and practice flirting with your partner as a way to ignite  sexual desire. Engage in a variety of activities that bring you both pleasure. 

8. Build up tension during romantic dates. 

Our brains tend to experience more pleasure when anticipated reward is delayed before we receive it. Take your time during foreplay, share fantasies and make sex more romantic. 

9. Foster emotional intimacy. 

A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy, closeness and connection that allows you to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment and rejection. Focus on meeting your partner's needs and share your own needs in a loving and respectful way. 

10. Be intentional. 

Being intentional in this case means, consistently make time for sexual intimacy.

The Power of Hospitality

 The power of Hospitality

Genesis 18:1-12

18 The Lord appeared to Abraham near the great trees of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance to his tent in the heat of the day. 2 Abraham looked up and saw three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he hurried from the entrance of his tent to meet them and bowed low to the ground.

3 He said, “If I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, do not pass your servant by. 4 Let a little water be brought, and then you may all wash your feet and rest under this tree. 5 Let me get you something to eat, so you can be refreshed and then go on your way—now that you have come to your servant.”

“Very well,” they answered, “do as you say.”

6 So Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah. “Quick,” he said, “get three seahs of the finest flour and knead it and bake some bread.”

7 Then he ran to the herd and selected a choice, tender calf and gave it to a servant, who hurried to prepare it. 8 He then brought some curds and milk and the calf that had been prepared, and set these before them. While they ate, he stood near them under a tree.

9 “Where is your wife Sarah?” they asked him.

“There, in the tent,” he said.

10 Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

Abraham (aka Abram) was 75 years old when God called and promised to make him a father of nations (Genesis 12:1–4). He was 86 when Ishmael, who was not the promised child, was born (Genesis 16:16) and 100 when Isaac, the promised child (Genesis 17:19, 21), was born (Genesis 21:5).   This meant that Abraham had to wait for 25years before the promised child, Isaac, was born, even after his mother Sarah was past the age of childbearing(Genesis 18:11). But, the approval of the promised child was established when Abraham displayed magnanimity in hospitality to strangers. How hospitable are you?

Shalom!

 

Laying The Axe To The Root Part 1

 

Laying The Axe To The Root 

Matthew 3:10–12

10 And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

The Bible speaks of a spiritual root that bears bitterness (Deuteronomy 19:18).  Jeremiah was told to “root out” sin (Jeremiah 1:10), and the prophet Malachi shows God dealing with the root of transgressions in the lives of His people (Malachi 4:1).

The Bible says, “And they went out and preached everywhere, the Lord working with them and confirming the Word through the accompanying signs” (Mark 16:20). Having read this Scripture, we sometimes hastily conclude that God will work with us, regardless of how we are. Though it is true that God desires to work with us, there may be certain things in our lives that prevent God from working with us. If there are things in our lives that (tie God’s hands and) prevent Him from working with us, then those areas must be dealt with.

Self, jealousy, pride, and lust, alcoholism, drug addictions, and immorality and many more are some of the negatives that could hinder God from working with us. When we allow the Lord to lay the axe to the root and do a cleansing work in these areas of our lives, we will be better people, not only for God but also for each other.

An important aspect of victorious Christian living is laying the axe to the root of negative behaviors or situations. Laying the axe to the root is aptly illustrated in the story of a man named Joash, an Old Testament king, who was facing a formidable enemy and came seeking advice from the Prophet Elisha.

Elisha made a powerful prophetic declaration and demonstration to Joash.  He told him to take a bow and arrows in his hand.  The king obliged, and Elisha placed his hands over those of the king.  He told Joash to open the window towards the enemy nation of Syria.  Then he commanded: “‘Shoot”; and he shot. And he said, “The arrow of the Lord’s deliverance and the arrow of deliverance from Syria; for you must strike the Syrians at Aphek till you have destroyed them” (2 Kings 13:17, NKJV).

Next, Elisha commanded the king to take the arrows and strike them on the ground.  Joash complied, hitting the ground three times and then stopping.  Elisha told him, you should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed it!” (2 Kings 13:19, NKJV).   What Elisha was declaring prophetically was that the king should have persevered until the enemy was totally defeated.  If you do not deal with the root causes of issues, then like an unquenched fire they will flare up again.  Destroy the root and you will kill the fruit.

From this encounter, we learn six important strategies for dealing with root causes of sinful behaviors.

To be continued……. See part 2

Shalom!  

Laying The Axe To The Root Part 2

The Power of Persistent Midnights Prayers

 

The Power of Persistent Midnights Prayers

Luke 11:5-8

And He said to them, “which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; and he will answer from within and say, ‘do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you’?

I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.

Jesus is using a parable here to show us one of the most powerful spiritual secrets in the entire Bible.

Remember, He was speaking about prayer here. He’d just taught His disciples what is popularly known as, “The Lord’s Prayer.” Then He quickly followed up with this parable.

What He is saying, in plain English is this:

If you learn to ask for things (pray) at the midnight hour, and persist in this, you will receive answers from God as many times as you want!

This is the time that you can open the back door to heaven… using this golden key. It is the time power changes hands. It is the time to restore lost glory. It is the time to return evil arrows back to senders. It is the time to break chains, and set captives free. It is the time for victorious prayer. And you can do it every single night.

Shalom!

Command Your Morning

Command Your Morning

   Job 38:12-13

Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place, So that [light] may get hold of the corners of the earth and shake the wickedness [of night] out of it?   

Throughout the scriptures, we see that the morning hours are a powerful time to connect with the Lord. Jesus Himself would go and spend time with the Father in the wee hours of the morning. When we start our mornings well, the rest of the day goes well.

“Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35).

In Psalm 5:3, we see that the Psalmist found value in talking to God in the morning and making his requests known to the Lord.

A lot of evil and afflictions takes place at night, so we need to command the morning to reverse every arrow of wickedness directed at us while we sleep.

For, behold, the wicked bend the bow,

They make ready their arrow upon the string

To shoot in darkness at the upright in heart (Psalm 11:2).

For the dark places of the land are full of the habitations of violence (Psalm 74:20).

  In Matthew 13:24-30, Jesus speaks a parable of the wheat and the tares. The Scripture states, "Another parable put He forth unto them, saying, The Kingdom of Heaven is likened unto a Man which sowed good seed in the field. But while men slept, His enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way.

A question was asked in Job 38:12 It says, “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place?” What does that question say personally to you? Have you commanded that situation to make it know how to align in harmony with your destiny? Have you commanded that business to take on a new life and begin to blossom again? Have you commanded that sickness to go and never to come back to trouble you? “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, And caused the dawn to know its place”?

There are things that should not happen to us, and we can command the day not to allow those things to happen. Like God, we can, with our words, create what we want to see in the day, week, month and years ahead. You have a choice to till your ground and sow in it the crops of your choice. If you fail to do so, your ground will be overtaken by weeds. Open your mouth and command the things you want to see today.

Commanding your morning with scripture is a simple, yet very powerful spiritual technique that will allow you to walk in greater authority over your day.

It helps to set the tone for the day and activates God’s Word in your life.

Commanding your morning isn’t just about praying specific prayers. It’s actually speaking and prophesying over your day.

Some people may call this their daily confessions, declarations, or affirmations. Either way, they are using Bible verses to command their morning.

Let’s look at some scriptures about the power of our words to command our morning.

Job 22:28 says:

“You will also declare a thing,

And it will be established for you;

So light will shine on your ways.”

Proverbs 18:21 says:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

And those who love it will eat its fruit.”

It is important to state here that we must be in right standing with God then, we can command our morning by declaring a thing and it will be established.

And yes, all that we are declaring must be in line with God’s will and truth for our lives

Shalom!

 

When You Stand Praying...

 

When You Stand Praying

 Mark 11:22-26

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” 26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

This is one of the most popular portions of the scripture most short cut Christians love to quote, particularly vs 24. But, they forget to realize that the key to unlocking this promise of God resides in vs 25.

Thanks to pride or shame or apathy, we don't try to forgive, ask for forgiveness, and restore those relationships. God sacrificed His Son so that He can forgive us. While expecting God to forgive our heinous sins, we might not take five minutes to reconcile with someone no more a sinner than we are.

Talking about forgiveness can be one of the most difficult conversations we as Christians can have, because we want to forgive on our own terms. We want to forgive in convenience or when it suits our own needs.

Forgiveness releases the power, of the love, of Jesus Christ into our hearts, and lives. We grow, from being spiritual midgets, to spiritual giants, when we genuinely forgive.

One of the most quoted sentences about forgiveness is “I can forgive but I can’t forget”.

God’s standard is summed up in Psalm 103:12. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgression from us. 

Shalom!

 

Almsgiving

ALMSGIVING

The theme of giving charitably to those in need is seen throughout scripture and shows a connectedness that we all have to one another and to God.

In the Old Testament, the notion of alms is understood primarily through the context of justice, and charity was an integral part of Jewish custom long before the time of Christ. In fact, the Hebrew word for almsgiving, "tzedakah," means righteousness. It is believed that giving to the poor helps reestablish the right order and encourages justice.

Hebrew law ensured that the gleanings from the harvest should be left for the poor in the field and vineyard (Leviticus 19:9-10). In Proverbs, we are told that “whoever is kind to the needy honors God” (14:31); however, refusing to give alms to the poor brings just retribution (21:13).

Tobit tells us that "it is better to give alms than to store up gold, for almsgiving saves from death and purges all sin. Those who give alms will enjoy a full life" (Tobit 12:9).

Throughout the Old Testament, scripture has a lot to say about the righteousness of almsgiving, including the following:

“When someone is reduced to poverty, welcome them into your home” (Leviticus 25:35)

“Do not close your hand to someone in need” (Deuteronomy 15:7)

“A man who is righteous will be remembered forever” (Psalm 112:5-9)

“If you satisfy the afflicted, your light shall rise in the darkness” (Isaiah 58:10)

The importance of almsgiving is seen repeatedly throughout the New Testament. Some examples include: “Give to those who ask, and do not turn your back on anyone who wants to borrow” (Matthew 5:42) “Sell all that you have and distribute it to the poor, and you will have a treasure in heaven” (Luke 18:22)

 Luke 11:41

But give that which is within charity, and then all things are clean for you.

Luke 12:33

“Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves money belts which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near nor moth destroys.

Luke 14;13

But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,

Shalom!