WHAT GODLY WOMEN SEEK IN THE MEN THEY DATE

 

Are you a single lady, just looking to find a good Christian man to date? There are good Christian single guys out there. Maybe you even have a man pursuing you now, but you’re not sure whether he is the right guy to date. Paying attention to a potential interest’s characteristics is important for finding that godly man. But knowing which characteristics are most important to you, as well as those characteristics to look for that will promote a healthy and fulfilling relationship can be overwhelming.

Are you aware there’s a difference between a good man and a godly man?

A godly man makes wise decisions, is kind, and loves you based on a godly standard. A good man makes sound decisions, is nice, and loves you based on a worldly standard. 

While both of these men can be great boyfriends, fiancés, and husbands, discerning between a godly man and a worldly man is important if you want to date with purpose. 

Being a Godly man it’s about his character, his morals, and his values as well as that he strives towards becoming more like Christ every day.

However, looking for God in a man will always be an impossible task. But, looking for a man that chooses to live a godly life—or love in ways that reflect God’s promises—is a worthwhile quest.

So, what qualities in a man should you look for? If we search through examples of God’s love in the Bible, we can piece together a reflection of him.

Here are some qualities in a Godly man for those ladies in the Christian dating world that will help pinpoint some of the most important qualities of a Christian man worth seeking:    

Seek an honest man: A great indicator of honesty in a man is his willingness to be transparent. He gives you access to use his phone. He lets you know his needs, he is a man of his word, do not lie, steal or betray. Being honest, and living those truths evidently, is the foundational quality of a godly man.

Trust should be at the foundation of every committed relationship. This so, because after it is established, you feel encouraged to open up to each other, invest in each other, and eventually commit to each other.

Broken trust is a major deal-breaker in relationships, and lying is the fastest way of breaking that trust. No matter how big or small the lie might be, it leaves an unpleasant aftertaste and makes you suspicious of every following statement.

For this reason honesty is one of the most important qualities to look for in a potential spouse.

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices” (Col. 3:9).

“The Lord detests lying lips but delights in people who are trustworthy.” ( Proverbs 12:22). 

Seek a man who expresses humility: Humility in a godly man recognizes that whatever strength, ability, or blessing he presently enjoys is ‘but by the grace of God’ (1 Cor. 15:10).

He is not too proud to kneel, not too important to lower himself to a child’s eye-level, humble enough to pray as a way of life, not as a display for others to witness. . He prays in his closet, in the car, while at work and with the people he loves and lives with. Not as a wearisome task or burden, but to seek his Father’s guidance. 

One common habit of couples in healthy relationships is that both partners are able to lay aside selfishness and consider the other one’s interest and well-being as important as their own. That is only possible if both of you can humble yourselves.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”  – Philippians 2:3-4

Seek a man who value commitment: A man who is committed will wince at the prospect of tearing away his flesh from his wife. If you love a man like this, thank him for honoring your unity.

God’s earliest breaths confirm this commitment;

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Seek a man that perseveres: A man without perseverance will give up every time he encounters challenges. This is a problem. Because if there is one thing that I can assure you then it’s that there are plenty of challenges to face in relationship. Challenges, set-backs and flat out failures will happen, especially in relationships. And they will test your spirit, your love and your faith.

Having someone by your side that knows how to persevere is important for you and your future family.

If you are not certain your love interest has perseverance, then just watch him in times of stress.

Does he give up quickly and lose all hope? Or does he trust God to make a way?

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”(James 1:12). 

Seek a man generous: A generous man that knows that his riches come from God. He has less difficulty to let go of worldly possessions and worries less about money. He knows that God can meet his needs and will provide for him in due time.

Apart from tithes and offering, you will encounter people that need help. While you certainly don’t have to give all, giving blesses the giver just as much as the recipient. 

A man that gives generously attracts people that enjoy giving as well. And a community like that is sure to bless you and your future family when in need.

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” (2 Corinthians 9:6)

Seek a man that takes responsibility: Taking responsibility is a prime indicator of maturity and wisdom and therefore one of the more important characteristics to look for in a man. In a relationship, you will face a lot of situations where someone needs to take charge and make a decision. A man should be willing to do so spirit-led. But also take full responsibility for his actions in hindsight.

Take note of your boyfriend carefully when he is under fire. Does he own it or repeatedly blame it on something/ somebody else? If he tends to avoid taking responsibility, remember that small decisions now, become big decisions later.

“So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” – Romans 14:12

Seek a man with good communication skills: A man, who is self-aware with good communication skill, will be able to say his needs and wants without getting angry or abusive. He will not be controlled by his emotions or pride, but by love.

He will know how to act in order to de-escalate potential arguments and make you feel heard. Knowing how to communicate with each other is essential for a successful relationship. 

Seek a man that talks to you with respect and acts reasonably even when he is agitated.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20). 

Seek a man who is forgiving: In a relationship, you will be wronged because neither of you is perfect. If your man is forgiving, it’s a sign that he is compassionate and kind, which are all important in relationships.

Be sure that he isn’t the type to hold on to a grudge and be bitter, but instead looks for opportunities to experience joy. After all, forgiveness comes easy if the person is filled with love.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”. (Ephesians 4:32). 

Seek a man that will be faithful:   This insinuates a reputation. Most men can fake the things when trying to impress a girl. But does he have a reputation for being faithful? To have a reputation, people actually have to know him. Is he following God in every area of his life? Does he keep his commitments?

“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?”(Proverbs 20:6).

Seek a hardworking man: Is he disciplined or is he all about his comfort? A diligent person can be counted on to provide. Does he work hard or is he prone to laziness.

“Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labour” (Proverbs 12:24). 

Seek a man who is repentant: It’s been said that the best apology is changed behavior. And this goes for men and women. A godly person takes hold of this reality, and repents through confession and new choices. And that means the wounds caused by sins committed in darkness can heal by God’s radiant grace as you walk in the light.

Romans 2:4 tells us that God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance. This means that God is always ready to forgive. 

Seek a man that shows wisdom: In contrast to popular belief, wisdom isn’t just gained with age, but can be found at a younger age too. How? By fearing God and listening to wise counsel.

The last thing you want is a man that is full of pride and blinded by his own knowledge, believes he knows it all and doesn’t have to listen to anyone, including you. 

Rather you want to be with someone that seeks wisdom by seeking God’s guidance, his word and a relationship with him. That man is humble and understands that no matter how much he knows, he doesn’t know it all and needs to rely on God.

“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding.” (Proverbs 3:13).

Seek a man that has fear of God: This is the most important characteristic of a godly man in a relationship. If a man doesn’t fear God there is no guarantee that he is not going to change his behavior at one point. The only thing that will keep a man in check is if he fears God and lives his life accordingly. Knowing that God judges our behavior towards each other and sees the things we do in the dark encourages us to live a life of obedience.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (Proverbs 1:7). 

These Godly traits are a great foundation when you are seeking what characteristics to look for in a Christian man. While searching for these traits in man is a worthwhile quest, be sure to exhibit them too as they are based on biblical principles to help you date with a difference and Marry well.

WHAT GODLY MEN SEEK IN THE WOMEN THEY DATE

 

Many a time’s men focus mainly on a woman’s appearance when they are seeking whom they will date or marry. But there are more important traits to consider. The value and character traits of a woman are often underestimated by many men when looking for a mate. 

Choosing a mate isn’t all about physical beauty or even personality. In describing the nearly perfect woman in Proverbs 31:30, Solomon wrote, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised”. 

There are few traits of character a Christian woman should strive to attain, which Godly men seek after in a potential spouse. Here are some of them:

Godly men seek women of sound character:  In1Timothy 3:11 the apostle Paul wrote, “Wives must also be of good character. They must not be gossips, but they must control their tempers and be trustworthy in every way”. What foundational character can be more important than this?

Godly men seek women who will be faithful: Is she a woman of God who is committed to being faithful?

As Ruth famously said, “Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God” (Ruth 1:16). 

A woman who is committed to being faithful to God her entire life should be the foremost character a man looks for in a wife.

Who is her greatest influencer? : Every one of us has people who have a powerful influence on us, so considering whom she chooses to be influenced by is important. To whom does she look to the most for advice? Are these people of solid moral character? Solomon also wrote, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Proverbs 12:26).

Observe whom her closest friends and advisers are, and see what direction they influence her toward.

Godly men look for women who are tenderhearted: Is she tenderhearted toward others, wanting to help and serve others when she sees a need? Among the fruit of the Spirit we find kindness, goodness and gentleness (Galatians 5:22-23). These are spiritual qualities that allow us to exhibit the characteristics Paul described in Ephesians 4:32: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Godly men seek women who are teachable:  This characteristics trait is a reflection of her heart. Perhaps nothing reveals a person’s depth and genuine level of humility more quickly than having a heart that is teachable. Not everyone can see a need to learn more and accept instruction.

A teachable person will be learning from his or her own mistakes, as well as those of others, and will be constantly growing and maturing. “Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning” (Proverbs 9:9).

Godly men seek women who are careful with words: A lot of people throw around words freely, saying whatever they believe you want to hear, but never really meaning it. Others liberally sprinkle their conversations with gossip and scintillating tales about others. Women are not known to use vulgar or profane language, but it appears that societal taboo seems long gone now. Women today are often as crass and crude as men can be in their speech.

A woman of godly character will not allow her speech to become infected with anything that is improper or sinful.

God doesn’t see careless and idle words as something of little consequence. The Bible instructs us to be always truthful (Zechariah 8:16) and to avoid gossip (Proverbs 20:19). Her speech should always be “with grace, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6). A woman who uses her words wisely and carefully will fulfill what Solomon wrote in Proverbs 25:11: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

Godly men seek women who are respectful: Respect is one of the most misunderstood words in the Bible. A husband and wife are both called to respect one another, however, the way a man craves respect is different than what a woman craves. A man and woman both need love but they receive love differently. The way a man receives love is by being respected. 

A Christian man doesn’t want a woman who is helpless. But he is also unattracted to a woman who will not allow him to use his strength to serve her in humble leadership. Proverbs 11:22 states, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”

A Christian man finds a modest woman attractive because biblically he knows it is safer to get to know her than a seductive woman.

 A Christian man will actually be pushed away from a seductive woman because he knows God has called him to flee sexual passions outside of marriage.

1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality.”

Genesis 39:10-12, “And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.”

In other words, it doesn’t matter how physically stunning a woman is, if she disrespects a man he will absolutely not be attracted to her.

Godly men seek women who express beauty through modesty: A Christian guy who is mature in the Lord is not going to want to date a woman who dresses sexy and in a way that purposefully insights passion in a man’s eyes. Of course men are responsible for not lusting after a woman’s body regardless of what she is wearing, but let’s not pretend there are not appearance choices a woman can make which she knows will arouse a man visually.

Rather than be attracted to a woman who does this, a Christian man will actually try to stay away from an immodest woman if he is trying to obey the word of God:

Proverbs 6:25, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.”

Proverbs 5:3-5 “For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.

Godly men see women who are emotionally predictable:It is true that all humans are emotionally unstable sometimes. Men and women included. However, if you are unstable all the time and are constantly coming up with new ways to be offended or cause drama, this is going to push men away.  Proverbs 21:9 states, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”

Godly men seek women who are trustworthy: In a committed relationship, everything is out in the open. Whatever secrets you try to hide will only come back to haunt you later. A man should seek out a woman who trusts him and whom he can trust. Is she dependable? Can you be confident she’ll do what she commits to? “In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything”- 1 Timothy 3:11

Godly men seek women who are content: Is she constantly unhappy and dissatisfied? Or is she able to find joy in the hard times and the waiting? You’re not looking for a woman who never gets sad or feels unsettled, and we aren’t saying to write someone off for bringing up things she’s not happy with. But if she is overall someone who is never satisfied, it would be wise for her to find contentment in Christ alone before you’re added to the picture. “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.  Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs”- 1 Timothy 6:6-10

Godly men seek women who are peace lovers: A peaceful woman is not about drama or picking fights, but about pursuing and preserving unity. In fact, the book of Proverbs says it’s better to live in a desert (Proverbs 21:19) or an attic (Proverbs 25:24) than it is to be married to someone who is argumentative.

Godly men seek women who are hardworking: Have you heard of a Proverbs 31 woman from the famous passage that describes several desirable traits in a woman (Proverbs 31:10-31). Did you know that at least 11 of the 21 verses in that passage talk about her diligence and hard work? Look for someone who is hardworking and responsible; a woman who gets things done, when they need to be done, and who uses resources wisely.  

Godly men seek women who are committed to Christ: Christ should be the focus of her life. This looks like yielding to His word, being prayerful, living in community, and being committed to a body of believers.

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) That’s a true trophy wife. That’s the true prize. “Give her the reward she has earned.”(Proverbs 31:31a). 

We could go on and on with the list of qualities of a Godly woman, but all of the mentioned qualities are good places to start when looking for God’s match for you. 

We were not meant to be alone in this world, but rather to share our lives with someone who will help us become better people. Single men, if you’re pursuing God yourself and you’re ready for marriage, find the godliest woman you know and ask her out. Single girls, if a godly man asks you out and you are open to dating, say yes. If you say no, be honest as to why. Men, be intentional. Women, be honest

And if there are areas she can grow, pray for her instead of writing her off. If you are looking for a replica of mother Mary; the mother of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ to marry, chances are you may not find any because she was created for that purpose. You’re not looking for a perfect woman, but a woman who is wholeheartedly following Jesus. Think about where she’s headed and who she’ll become, and trust God to work.

Conflict Resolution In Marriage

 

One of the best feelings in the world is falling in love. It can be exhilarating, overwhelming, and even euphoric. But, when the romantic bliss begins to wane (which is inevitable), conflicts arising from different issues sets in.

Conflict is an inevitable part of any marriage. However, how couples handle these occasional conflicts is crucial in maintaining a healthy and happy relationship, or driving a wedge in their relationship.

It is important to note that conflict in marriage doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. The truth is, learning how to handle conflicts can bring you closer. Successful marriage conflict resolution isn't avoiding fights;  it's understanding, communicating, and finding common ground for your marriage to thrive on. 

 Some Common Causes of Marital Conflicts 

1. Communication breakdown

Healthy communication is key to any successful relationship. It is important to note that effective communication involves speaking and listening. Active listening allows both partners to understand each other's perspective and work towards finding common ground.

2. Unmet or unreasonable expectations

Expectations are natural in marriages. However, when these expectations are unmet or unreasonable, they can result to conflicts.

In most cases, these expectations are unspoken with one partner assuming the other partner should intuitively know what they need. It is a big mistake to assume your partner to read your mind.

3. Time allocation to personal pursuit and marriage.

Marriage do not add extra time to the 24 hrs you had when you were single. But, marriage adds a latest addition to your life-your spouse! So, how you allocate your time to yourself, your career, friends, hobbies, and family before marriage should have a reschedule to include your new addition(spouse), and children as they arrive. Just know it that marriage comes with its KRAs-Key Responsibility Areas.

4. Lack of sexual intimacy or compatibility 

If you experience stronger sexual urge, as opposed to your less inclined spouse, can lead to conflict. 

Lack of honest sexual communication, intimacy inhibitions, work stress and household responsibilities are some serious issues that should be addressed in marriages . 

5. Challenges in managing marriage finances. 

Inability to manage marriage finances can put a wedge in your relationship. 

Temperament difference with respect to one partner being a big spender or another being a frugal, a sense of resentment of a working spouse towards the non working, a major shift in priorities and preferences can lead to marital conflict. 

Not making a full disclosure to your spouse about your financial situation, or a child support situation from your previous marriage are other culprits that can derail your marriage. 

6. Powerplay imbalance in personalities. 

Both spouses are seen as equal counterparts in a marriage. But, most times this concept is seen as utopian. 

In any relationship where one partner is domineering and the other submissive partner, subsequently leads to a resentful build-up, and unhealthy powerplay that will consequently put a strain in the relationship

Some Helpful Bible Principles for Conflict Resolution in Marriage

As imperfect humans that we are, there is hardly any issues, or challenging situations we will find ourselves in that the Bible has no wise counsel to help us navigate through the situation, and conflict in marriages is not an exception.

The Bible offers valuable insights on handling conflicts. There are a number of beneficial conflict resolution principles and practices that couples can adopt in other to engage in marital conflict more constructively.

Scripture is full of wise counsels that relate to interpersonal relationship that can help you and your spouse to apply the Word of God to work in your relationship and marital conflict resolution. We will be looking at some of them.

Commit to One Another

Ephesians 5:28-29 :"He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church."

Husbands are commanded to selflessly love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. In a perfect world this commandment will rarely be broken. But, in this fallen world we live in, the natural tendencies are to focus on ourselves and attempt to impose our will on others. These often leads to communication breakdown, and wounded relationships.

 Be an Active Listener

James 1:19 : My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry".

Take turns listening and speaking without interrupting or getting defensive so both parties feel heard and understood.

Use "I" statements

During your conversation with your spouse, using "I" statements can help express how the conflict affects you personally. This approach avoids blaming or accusing your partner but rather focuses on how their actions has impacted you. For instance, saying "I feel hurt when you do A," rather than "You always do A," can be more effective in resolving conflicts. 

 Find Common Ground

Corinthians 9:22: "When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some." 

One powerful tool in resolving conflicts is finding common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. Seek for areas of agreement and work towards finding a solution that is beneficial to both parties. This approach will foster a sense of teamwork rather than opposition. 

 Manage Emotions

Proverbs 16:32: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city". 

Ephesians 4:26-32: "But don't let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin! Don't let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day".

Learn to manage your emotions and put conflict in perspective. 

 Avoid Judgemental Language

Matthew 7:1-5: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you". 

The words you use at the heat of the disagreement matter and will be remembered.

 Allow Moments for Self Reflection 

2 Corinthians 13:5; Lamentations 3:40

God calls people to examine themselves. 

Romans 12:3

Paul encourages readers to have a modest view of themselves, and to be aware of when they hold themselves in too high a regard.

Remember no one is perfect. So, sometimes you may be the one at fault, allow yourself to reflect on that.

 Compromise

Romans 12:18: "If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

If you understand that both parties feelings and dreams need to be honored, then perfection shouldn't be the goal. Let go of your ego and seek peace. 

 Curb Your Temper

Proverbs 14:29  "Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly":

Anger expose us to thinking, speaking, and acting in quite a foolish manner. When you become conscious of your anger, take some intentional steps to slow down and stay engaged with your partner in a manner that promotes conflict resolution.

 Leave Revenge to God

Romans 12:19 "Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.”

When it comes to conflict resolution in marriage, however, God’s people are encouraged to let go of the impulse for revenge and to turn the conflict over to God.

Allow God to work on your spouse’s heart and allow Him to fight on your behalf. Often it is our woundedness that is driving our conflict with each other. God works at the level of the heart and only He can bring about the conflict resolution and healing that many of us (and our spouses) really need.

 Forgive Each Other

Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with one another and forgive one another, if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you". 

Forgiveness is essential in resolving conflicts in marriage. When you make allowance for human imperfections you are laying the foundation for Conflict Resolution and intimacy your relationship needs in order to thrive.

 Focus on the Positive

1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

Focusing on the positive makes a big difference in relationships. Focus on the positive aspects of your marriage, and the positive traits of your spouse and communicate them to each other in an encouraging manner.

 The Power of Apologies

Luke 17:3-4

"So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

A sincere apology is a powerful tool in resolving conflict. It acknowledges any wrongdoings and expresses remorse for any hurt caused.

Exercise Patience

Ephesians 4:2

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love".

Patience is vital in resolving conflicts in marriages. Conflict resolution takes time and requires patience from both parties. Seeking for a quick fix may not lead to long term healing within the relationship. It is important to note that conflict resolution is a process not an event.

 Seek a Marriage Counselor

Where the conflict proves too challenging to resolve on your own, seeking the help of a marriage counselor may provide the needed guidance and support. 

Seeking help from a counselor outside your marriage does not indicate weakness, but shows your willingness to make your marriage work.

The Power of Hospitality

 The power of Hospitality

Genesis 18:1-12

18 The Lord appeared to Abraham near the great trees of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance to his tent in the heat of the day. 2 Abraham looked up and saw three men standing nearby. When he saw them, he hurried from the entrance of his tent to meet them and bowed low to the ground.

3 He said, “If I have found favor in your eyes, my lord, do not pass your servant by. 4 Let a little water be brought, and then you may all wash your feet and rest under this tree. 5 Let me get you something to eat, so you can be refreshed and then go on your way—now that you have come to your servant.”

“Very well,” they answered, “do as you say.”

6 So Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah. “Quick,” he said, “get three seahs of the finest flour and knead it and bake some bread.”

7 Then he ran to the herd and selected a choice, tender calf and gave it to a servant, who hurried to prepare it. 8 He then brought some curds and milk and the calf that had been prepared, and set these before them. While they ate, he stood near them under a tree.

9 “Where is your wife Sarah?” they asked him.

“There, in the tent,” he said.

10 Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

Abraham (aka Abram) was 75 years old when God called and promised to make him a father of nations (Genesis 12:1–4). He was 86 when Ishmael, who was not the promised child, was born (Genesis 16:16) and 100 when Isaac, the promised child (Genesis 17:19, 21), was born (Genesis 21:5).   This meant that Abraham had to wait for 25years before the promised child, Isaac, was born, even after his mother Sarah was past the age of childbearing(Genesis 18:11). But, the approval of the promised child was established when Abraham displayed magnanimity in hospitality to strangers. How hospitable are you?

Shalom!

 

Command Your Morning

Command Your Morning

   Job 38:12-13

Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place, So that [light] may get hold of the corners of the earth and shake the wickedness [of night] out of it?   

Throughout the scriptures, we see that the morning hours are a powerful time to connect with the Lord. Jesus Himself would go and spend time with the Father in the wee hours of the morning. When we start our mornings well, the rest of the day goes well.

“Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35).

In Psalm 5:3, we see that the Psalmist found value in talking to God in the morning and making his requests known to the Lord.

A lot of evil and afflictions takes place at night, so we need to command the morning to reverse every arrow of wickedness directed at us while we sleep.

For, behold, the wicked bend the bow,

They make ready their arrow upon the string

To shoot in darkness at the upright in heart (Psalm 11:2).

For the dark places of the land are full of the habitations of violence (Psalm 74:20).

  In Matthew 13:24-30, Jesus speaks a parable of the wheat and the tares. The Scripture states, "Another parable put He forth unto them, saying, The Kingdom of Heaven is likened unto a Man which sowed good seed in the field. But while men slept, His enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way.

A question was asked in Job 38:12 It says, “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place?” What does that question say personally to you? Have you commanded that situation to make it know how to align in harmony with your destiny? Have you commanded that business to take on a new life and begin to blossom again? Have you commanded that sickness to go and never to come back to trouble you? “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, And caused the dawn to know its place”?

There are things that should not happen to us, and we can command the day not to allow those things to happen. Like God, we can, with our words, create what we want to see in the day, week, month and years ahead. You have a choice to till your ground and sow in it the crops of your choice. If you fail to do so, your ground will be overtaken by weeds. Open your mouth and command the things you want to see today.

Commanding your morning with scripture is a simple, yet very powerful spiritual technique that will allow you to walk in greater authority over your day.

It helps to set the tone for the day and activates God’s Word in your life.

Commanding your morning isn’t just about praying specific prayers. It’s actually speaking and prophesying over your day.

Some people may call this their daily confessions, declarations, or affirmations. Either way, they are using Bible verses to command their morning.

Let’s look at some scriptures about the power of our words to command our morning.

Job 22:28 says:

“You will also declare a thing,

And it will be established for you;

So light will shine on your ways.”

Proverbs 18:21 says:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

And those who love it will eat its fruit.”

It is important to state here that we must be in right standing with God then, we can command our morning by declaring a thing and it will be established.

And yes, all that we are declaring must be in line with God’s will and truth for our lives

Shalom!

 

When You Stand Praying...

 

When You Stand Praying

 Mark 11:22-26

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” 26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

This is one of the most popular portions of the scripture most short cut Christians love to quote, particularly vs 24. But, they forget to realize that the key to unlocking this promise of God resides in vs 25.

Thanks to pride or shame or apathy, we don't try to forgive, ask for forgiveness, and restore those relationships. God sacrificed His Son so that He can forgive us. While expecting God to forgive our heinous sins, we might not take five minutes to reconcile with someone no more a sinner than we are.

Talking about forgiveness can be one of the most difficult conversations we as Christians can have, because we want to forgive on our own terms. We want to forgive in convenience or when it suits our own needs.

Forgiveness releases the power, of the love, of Jesus Christ into our hearts, and lives. We grow, from being spiritual midgets, to spiritual giants, when we genuinely forgive.

One of the most quoted sentences about forgiveness is “I can forgive but I can’t forget”.

God’s standard is summed up in Psalm 103:12. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgression from us. 

Shalom!

 

Because You Have Prayed...

 

“Because You Have Prayed…..”

Isaiah 37:21

“Then Isaiah son of Amoz sent a message to Hezekiah: “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: Because you have prayed to me concerning Sennacherib king of Assyria,”

This phrase: "Because you have prayed..." in the above scripture verse jumped at me when I read it. The context is that Hezekiah, King of Israel, was boxed into a tight corner. Have you ever been tight? I guess you have.

The King of Assyria was hot on the heels of Hezekiah and humanly speaking, things looked really hopeless. Hezekiah's response was simply to spread the Assyrian letter of doom before the Lord and pray.

And God responded.

"Because you have prayed," He said, "I have spoken this word against the King of Assyria."

Who knows what would have happened if Hezekiah hadn't prayed. We don't know and can't read into the text, but what we DO know is that because Hezekiah prayed, God acted. He spoke against the King's enemy... directly because of Hezekiah's prayer.

I do not know what mountain you are being confronted with in life presently that has made things seem hopeless, but I do know what God promised in Psalms 50:15: “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.”

Hannah in her childless situation in polygamous marriage cried to God and the Lord remembered her (1Samuel 1:1-2, 6, 9-11, 19-20).

In the heat of the battle, Joshua did a new thing by commanding the Sun and Moon to stand still. God answered Joshua’s prayer and the Sun stood still in heaven and didn’t go down for a whole day (Joshua 10:11-14).

Sorrow followed Jabez everywhere because of his name until he prayed to God for a change,and God granted his request (1Chron 4:9-10).

When Peter was imprisoned something different happened because the church offered continuous prayer to God for him. The incessant prayers reached God’s throne room and He sent His angel to miraculously rescue Peter from the prison where he was bound in chains between 2 soldiers (Acts 12:1-17).

Beloved in Christ, that same God who answered Hannah, Joshua, Jabez, and the church in Acts of the Apostles – just to mention a few, is still in the business of answered prayers.

Miracle no dey tire God!

Shalom!

The Sanctity of Marriage Vows

 

Malachi 2:13-14

13 Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. 14 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

Marriage is established through vows spoken before God, and the people of God. God is a witness to this solemn promise and covenant of faith. Marriage is a solemn covenant of a lifetime commitment between one man and one woman. God does not want us to break those vows.

Here’s a sample reminder of the marriage vows that are normally spoken by the bride and the groom:

The minister addresses the groom:

(Groom), do you take (bride) to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honor, and protect her, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

The groom says: I do.

As the groom places the ring on the bride’s finger, he says:

With this ring, I, (groom), take you (bride) to be my wife, to have, and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part, according to God’s holy Word. I give you this ring as a sign of constant faith and abiding love. With my body I honor you, all that I am I give to you; this is my solemn vow.

Marriage is solemnized by vows in the presence of God and God’s people. It is a holy union between a man and woman. Your wife is yours because of the vow (solemn promise) or covenant you made with her in God’s presence. God is a covenant keeping God, and so God does not want us to break those vows.

Have you been filling the place of worship with your weeping and wailing because you don’t get what you want from GOD? And then you ask, ‘Why?’ The Lord may be saying to you take a look at your marriage vows, and keep your solemn promise.

I know there is no perfect marriage, and so we may have falling short in our marriage vows in one way or more. If you agree with me, walk up to your loving spouse and say these three simple words “I am sorry”.

Shalom!

She is Another Man's Wife

 

Genesis 20:1-10

 Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, 2 and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” Then Abimelek king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her.

3 But God came to Abimelek in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.”

4 Now Abimelek had not gone near her, so he said, “Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation? 5 Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands.”

6 Then God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know you did this with a clear conscience, and so I have kept you from sinning against me. That is why I did not let you touch her. 7 Now return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all who belong to you will die.”

When we read the above scripture our mind is often drawn to vs 7 that God was angry with Abimelek because he took Sarah the wife of a prophet Abraham. No!

Take a look at vs 3. God was angry with Abimelek because he took another man’s wife and not because he took a prophets wife. What is the consequence? Death to Abimelek and all that's his (vs 7)!

Now, in the present day, it is possible you may know someone who is involved in this abomination and is not physically dead. What the scripture is referring to here is spiritual death, separation from God. You and all that belongs to you becomes what the bible refers to as Ichabod (1 Samuel 4:19). The glory of God will depart from you. You will just exist, but not living, as well as all that is yours. You and all that is yours will be without the hedge of God open to the bite of the serpent (Ecclesiastes 10:8). Imagine living without the hedge of God; your business without the hedge of God, your children without the hedge of God, and everything that you own without the hedge of God. Disaster waiting to happen! Imagine what Job in the bible went through when the hedge of God was removed from him (Job 1-16).

It is not uncommon to see the Business Empire built over the years collapse unexpectedly. It is not uncommon to see children of first class graduates amount to nothing in life. Where there is no glory there is no success story.

Are you crushing on another man’s wife, or are you already involved in intimacy with another man’s wife? Repent and seek forgiveness. Is another man’s wife seducing you? Run far away !

Shalom!

Read also Proverbs 5:3-23

How to Guard Your Heart in Christian Dating

 

God understood why we need to guard our hearts in life including in dating when He counseled us in Proverbs 4:23. The heart is the center of the whole person—not just the source of emotions and will but also of wisdom and perspective. In essence, the heart referred to who you are as a person.

What you do flows from who you are. That’s why Proverbs 4:23 instructs us to guard the heart (who you are) because the wellspring of life (what you do) flows from it. Therefore, it is essential for you to guard your heart in dating because what you do in a dating relationship flows from whom you are in a dating relationship.

Guarding your heart does not merely involve protecting yourself from too much intimacy with someone of the opposite sex. But guarding your heart is so much more than this! It’s a call to protect your character in all that you do.

Guarding your heart is the key to saving yourself for your future spouse in a way that honors God. In order to avoid the pain of premature emotional bonding in a dating relationship– a relationship that may never translate into marriage, here are 5 ways to guard your heart:

Avoid praying together: Sounds shocking? It’s no typo error, you read it right.  We’ve always been taught that prayer is such an important part of any relationship.  While this sounds good, it’s actually a really dangerous road to travel at such early stages in a relationship.

Seeking the heart of God and pouring out your heart and soul to Him through prayer is one of the most emotionally vulnerable places you will ever be.  It’s essentially like being spiritually naked because before God, you hide nothing emotionally.

In the early stages of dating, seek to pursue God as an individual before allowing your relationship to become a trio prematurely by including your significant other.  There will be a day for deep and intimate spiritual unity…but it’s not now.

Your dating relationship in it’s early stages is meant to be a time of getting to know each other, and learning all the superficial things you can know before taking it to the next level. Use this season for just that!  Don’t go too deep too fast, because the emotional intimacy that comes with deep shared moments like this can actually pull you in far deeper than you were ever meant to go, and in the end, leave you with a broken heart…and a broken spirit.

Open up a little at a time: Dating is such a special time.  It’s a time to really get to know someone and invest in who they are.  It’s a time to let your guard down a little at a time and begins to share the truths of who you are.

Take note of the key word, A little at a time. When you enter into relationship, you should be at a point in your life where you are ready to be open, ready to share, and ready to communicate.  But there should always be limits to this kind of openness.  There are times to be open and share your heart–but, there are also times to withhold.

I don’t recommend sitting down at your first date and spilling every detail and secret in your life.  Relationships should be seen as a journey of building trust.  You build a little at a time.  You give a little at a time.  Lay the foundations first, and then begin building the house.  Be real, be genuine, and be honest- but never without the anchor of boundaries and the weight of wisdom.

Don’t talk about commitment, before you’ve actually committed: The temptation often arise to talk about the future when you’re dating.  You want to dream together, to envision the future together, and to create this world up ahead to live for.  I think there is a time and place for this kind of discussion.  Later on in a relationship it’s important to be on the same page and to have a similar outlook on what is to come relationally.

Take your time; allow your relationship to go through the necessary seasons before you allow your conversation to jump ahead.  Because where your conversation goes your heart will go, too.

Pay close attention to red flags: Don't ignore any relationship red flags. If you're with someone who's physically or emotionally abusive, lies, or mistrusts you, these are key signs that you should end the relationship. If you don't pay attention to these warning signs, you're leaving yourself vulnerable to future heartbreak. A red flag is a good intuitive image to help you process what you’re really feeling. At the end of a difficult relationship, people often say, 'He (or she) told me who he (or she) was at the very beginning, but I just didn’t listen.' Learn to trust what you feel. Your hunch is probably right.

 Stop prioritizing the Superficial: It would help if you focused on what truly matters. Concentrate on values, goals, and morals, rather than high-paying jobs and luxury items. If you eliminate people because they don't fit into a certain mold, you may be missing out on a deeper connection. To protect your heart, you should prioritize what truly matters so that you find a relationship that's fulfilling in every way.

 

PEER PRESSURE

 

Peer pressure is the influence that a group or an individual exerts over someone that encourages them to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform to group norms.

TRUTHS ABOUT PEER PRESSURE

When we hear about peer pressure the mind tends to wonder about negative influences exerted over someone by another person or group of people. The truth is there are both positive and negative influences in life. Each day we are faced with choices to make about which of these you will allow to influence you.  Positive peer pressure that encourages you to do good is not a problem.  It is the negative peer pressure of ungodly influences in your life which you must learn to confront and conquer.

Those with whom you associate influence you. The Bible says “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).  Proverbs warns:  “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared” (Proverbs 22:24-25).  Substitute any negative influence for the words “hot-tempered” and the result is the same–if you run with someone who is dishonest, you learn their ways.  If you hang out with a liar, you will become one too.

You should be an example instead of following bad examples.  Paul told a young believer named Timothy:  “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (1Timothy 4:12-13).  Jesus said you were to follow His example (John 13:15) and that as a believer you are His ambassador to the world (1 Corinthians 5:20).  Do not be a clone.  Be an example.  You are to be the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13).  Tasteless salt is worthless (Mark 9:50).  As a follower of Christ it is your responsibility to flavor the world around you so it will be positively impacted for God.

Doing things because “everyone else is doing them” is idolatry.  The Lord said that Israel imitated the sinful nations around them, although God had ordered them not to do so.  They followed idolatrous people and became idolatrous themselves (2 Kings 17:15).  When you decide to do something because “everyone else is doing it”, you are establishing those unsaved people as an idol in your life–imitating them and adhering to their standards instead of following God.

DEALING WITH PEER PRESSURE:

Do not blame God when you yield to peer pressure. The Bible says: “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death”  (James 1:13-15).

Rebuke the fear of man. The Bible says that the fear of man is a spiritual snare which entraps you in their ways (Proverbs 29:25).

Determine that you will obey God rather than man.  The disciples took their stand against “peer pressure”, even when facing possible imprisonment and death.   Peter and the other apostles declared: “We must obey God rather than men!” (Acts 5:29).

 

Renew your mind in the Word of God.  This will enable you to be transformed instead of conforming to the world (Romans 12:1-2).

Do not be unequally yoked in relationships.  The Bible warns believers:  “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?  What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”   “Therefore come out from them and be separate,”   says the Lord.  “Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).   Break close relationships with those who exert pressure for you to look, act, think, or talk in ways that are not in harmony with God’s Word.

Do not become involved in the troubles of others.  Some people want to involve you in their messes and even take delight in getting you into trouble. The moment you are tempted to become involved in another person’s issues, you end up as part of their troubles.  The Bible warns:  “Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away. For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause some to fall. For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence” (Proverbs 4:14-17, KJV).

BIBLE REFERENCES ABOUT PEER PRESSURE:

Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. (Exodus 23:2)

 

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. (Psalm 1:1-2)

Away from me, you evildoers, that I may keep the commands of my God!  (Psalm 119:115)

My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them.  If they say, “Come along with us; let’s lie in wait for someone’s blood, let’s waylay some harmless soul;  let’s swallow them alive, like the grave, and whole, like those who go down to the pit;  we will get all sorts of valuable things  and fill our houses with plunder;  throw in your lot with us, and we will share a common purse”–my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths;  for their feet rush into sin, they are swift to shed blood.  (Proverbs 1:10-16)

Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men. Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away. For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause some to fall. For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence. (Proverbs 4:14-17. KJV)

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways  and get yourself ensnared. (Proverbs 22:24-25)

 

Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.  (Proverbs 23:20-21)

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.  (Proverbs 29:25)

Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than men!” (Acts 5:29)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transform. (Romans 12:1-2)

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?  What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”   “Therefore come out from them and be separate,”   says the Lord.  “Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters.  (2 Corinthians 6:14-18)

Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.  (1 Corinthians 15:33)

 

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.  (1 Timothy 4:12-13)

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.  (James 1:13-15)

 

How should we conduct ourselves in Christian courtship? Part 2

 

In the first part of this article we discussed about things to do. In this second part we will be looking at things not to do.

B. Things Not to Do

1.   Don’t be exclusive in relating only with each other all the time (Heb 10:24-26, Eph 5:3, Gal 5:16, 19-21) and neglect others.

2.   Do not plan to isolate yourselves (during your date) in dark or solitary places where you can be easily tempted and fall into sin.

3.   Do not give in to your passions and be involved in unhealthy activities like heavy petting and pre-marital sex (Gal 5:6, 19-21).

4.   Do not deceive yourselves that it is alright to do this or that since “we love each other and are already committed to be married anyway.”  (I Cor 7:9, Prov 6:27-28)

5. Avoid unedifying movies, videos, worldly magazines or unwholesome jokes or books that will stumble each other (2Tim 2:22).

6.   Dress modestly for the date (1 Pet 3:3, 4).  Do not wear plunging necklines, mini- skirts and tempting/sensuous attires that will not be edifying but rather hinder healthy relationships.

7.   Do not be a bad testimony to each other and others or even cause the other to fall into sin.  (1 Cor 8:9)

8.   When visiting each other’s home, ensure someone is at home.  Keep your rooms open so that you will not be in absolute privacy.

9.   Be not involved in the worldly environment of revelry and pleasure such as movies, pubs, alcohol consumption and night clubbing.

10.  Prepare and plan to have a reasonable courtship of at least (it is difficult to know someone well in a short time e.g. 6 months).  But, courtship should not be eternal. Do not be influenced by the worldly system of infidelity and a one-night-stand syndrome. (I Tim 6:6-10,2 Tim 2;22, Gal 5;19-21,)  That which grows slowly, endures.

How Should We Conduct Ourselves in Christian Courtship? Part 1